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Sunday, October 30, 2005

The Gigantic Pumpkin

A Halloween Tradition:

Cindy: Here we are, in the great Liberal Pumpkin Patch, waiting for the arrival of the Gigantic Pumpkin! Every Halloween The Gigantic Pumpkin flies...well, it's actually more of a slow, ponderous, wobbling...through the air, with his bag of half-truth and distorted documentaries, and spreading propaganda from his web site. If we sit here all night, we may get to see him.
MrsSatan: Nobody is scarier than me on Halloween.
Cindy: Here he comes, and - OH NO! - he's out of candy! He's going to steal what little candy we have!
MrsSatan: Don't you take away my candy you Fat Bastard! Shoo! Shoo - get away!
Gigantic Pumpkin: I'm hungry, give me your candy or else! Baw-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!

News Noticed Abroad

Item: A post-Katrina Progress Report / Diary chronicled by BBC News.

Item: Australian Navy denies anything to do with deaths of whales by beaching. Australian Military Spokesman Connor Cody Brodie noted clean up and removal of the whales would be solved by grilling them and calling in This Guy with a tanker full of tartar sauce.

Item: The potential havoc wreaked by The Super Flu is being addressed:
Item: Related to the above item, Dead Pigeons found near border of Serbia and Romania, test results expected in three days to reveal if Avian flu related.

Item: THIS WILL HAVE TO go down as the years best, falsely premised submission for the "He was only speaking figuratively" Award.

ABC Circus This Week

Harry Reid on ABC This Week, and I paraphrase the former stroke sufferer, but man is he out of touch with reality: "Gas still $3.00 a gallon." When was the last time you actually pumped your own gas, Senator? "...The President should apologize for the Scooter Libby matter....Karl Rove should resign...[Libby] lied to an investigation...The Extreme, Radical Right Wing drove [Harriet Miers] out of nomination...." Here come the politics of personal destruction, the element the Left says they abhor so much!

Harry, have you finally stepped into the deep, unretractable abyss of rank political partisanship? Yeah, I think it's safe to say he has. Often, host George Stephanopoulos seemed incredulous at the unrelated non-answers Reid gave to specific questions asked by Stephanopoulos.

Why should President Bush apologize? For Scooter Libby? We should all wait until the trial is completed and a verdict reached before leaping to suggest the president say something that only you want to hear? Hey, here's one better: How about President Bush, at the podium, utters a voice-cracking "I feel your pain." Will that give you the warm fuzzy you seek, Mr.Reid?

Cokie Roberts, looking freshly pulled out from a casket and making regular appearances on the round table discussion, noted that an ABC Poll resulted in 55% responding see a "pattern of [lying]" with the President and Vice President's offices. Ooooooh, we all better double down and bet the house on the accuracy of that ABC Poll. I'm sure the ABC poll wasn't biased or slanted in any way.

Did I hear Cokie say, regarding gender of the next nominee for the Supreme Court -- did I hear her say "There's not enough white men left in the country to go around"? I'm going to have to check their transcript on their site later. I don't know how George Will can sit there, week after week, year after year, without going insane listening to these people.

And week after week some people hear that garbage and they believe it? I get my news on that inter-web, damnit.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Halloween DVD / Video Rental Recommendations

If you're out of ideas for some self inflicted scares this Halloween, let me recommend the official website of the DNC. The Horror...the horror! Now that's pretty scary!

If you're looking for something other than the routine recommended Halloween "scary movies" to sit down to, here's a few suggestions:

also known as "Braindead" (1992). "A young man's mother is bitten by a "rat monkey." She gets sick and dies, at which time she comes back to life, killing and eating dogs, nurses, friends, and neighbors."

George A. Romero's 1978 masterpiece Dawn Of The Dead. In this first sequel to Night of the Living Dead, a group of four people take up residence in a deserted mall while trying to stay alive amidst the armies of the dead and a vicious gang of militant bikers.

Delicatessen. "Post-apocalyptic surrealist black comedy about the landlord of an apartment building who creates cannibalistic meals for his odd tenants."

A personal favorite, and all-around fun one to watch: Motel Hell. It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent fritters.

Re-Animator, another personal oft-viewed favorite. A dedicated student at a medical college and his girlfriend become involved in bizarre experiments centering around the re-animation of dead tissue when an odd new student arrives on campus.

Basket Case 1, a young man carrying a big basket, containing his deformed Siamese brother is seeking revenge on the doctors who separated them. And the incredibly dry, satirical but played-for-straight sequel Basket Case 2. After surviving the fall from their hotel room window, Duane Bradley and his misshapen, basket-dwelling brother Belial are taken to the city hospital. By now, their attempt at leading a secret life is blown, and the pair have become media darlings across the country.

For those who prefer to be disturbed while viewing, and after it's over as well, David Lynch's 'Eraserhead'
takes a back seat to nothing. Plot Summary Here.

Last, but by no means least, 1975's Made for TV Trilogy of Terror holds its own standard of distinction for its third installment of an African doll that comes to life, zipping across the floors and rooms of an apartment trying to kill Karen Black. Apparently enough people remember this segment and the Doll. The camera work of the doll zipping across the floors and the carpeting are fantastic.

So there you are, a few suggestions off the beaten path from the usual Halloween-time scary rentals. Or, you could always visit this place to scare the sh*t out of you! It sends shivers up my spine!

Boo! Enjoy, and yes, that's just the tree branch tapping against the window.

"Oh Mr. Annan"...."Yes!, Mr. Merimee...."

"I have some lovely crude oil for you if only you will permit...'Mister H' to procure some Louis XIV furniture."
"K.A., are you asking me to look the other way?"
"Oh, J.B.M., you are so literal. Yes, I am asking you to look the other way."
"I already am.
The Libs favorite world institution (no, not the Stalin-istas) the United Nations was found to be full of rank corruption in a one and a half year investigation lead by Paul Volker, former Chairman of the Federal Reserve. The report, a 623 page (that's almost as long as a Stephen King novel!) tome concluded that most oil for food contracts were awarded to French and Russian companies and individuals.

"[the investigation] meticulously detailed how the $64 BILLION program became a cash cow for Saddam...", and those companies and individuals who were paid off were paid off "at the expense of regular Iraqis SUFFERING under tough U.N. sanctions."

And this organization, the U.N., is the group that the Liberals tout as a governing body to which we, the U.S., should submit its subservience? NO COUNTRY should have to be held accountable or answerable to the U.N. - ever.

"The corruption of the program by Saddam would not nearly have been so pervasive if they had been diligent management by the United Nations and its agencies," said Volker. In other words, Saddam Hussein had the U.N. et al, in the palm of his hand. Meanwhile, Iraqi people suffered and died, were brutalized and executed during Hussein's presidency.

If a business or company ran itself the way the U.N. has run and 'managed' itself, not only would that business be financially bankrupt and ruined, the officers, by all accounts, would be tried and likely found guilty of, and in violation of, its own resolutions (yeah, that's like a ticket for littering) bribery, sedition, and participation in genocide to name but a few things.

The U.N. is to a governing body what Union Carbide was to Bopahl, India. Far worse, actually, because the U.N. crowd had to have known what they were doing was wrong. This is not a governing body that the U.S. needs to answer to, Thank You.

A business run like the U.N. would be gutted. The same should apply to the U.N. I'm sure there are many good people doing good work for the U.N., but it's time to say good bye to all of them, and rebuild and retool. Or let it implode and collapse. That would probably be the better result.

The Left never lets us forget their mantra about an "oil connection to the 'war for oil' and Bush, Cheney, Halliburton", but none of the Left believe the charges about those named in the Volker investigation were on the take?

"Oh Mr. Annan."
"Yes, 'Mister H'?"
"Get me twenty more of those solid gold lion statues for my palaces."
"Yes, 'Mister H', right away..."
"Wait, that's not all. Here's a shopping list."
"Happy to oblige."

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Her Stoic Amnesia And This Is Why...

...This Blog is called mrssatan:

Lady Macbeth...I mean, Hillary Clinto...er, mrssatan is a good one to use the phrase Historical Amnesia
. Uh huh. HER-storical Amnesia?

mrssatan, the Queen of "I don't Recall".

Maybe I should cut Bubba's wife some slack. She could be in the early stages of dementia and Alzheimer's disease. I mean this seriously. She has a pattern of not being able to recall circumstances that, to most other people, would be significant events in one's life. And to continue to not be able to recall these events could be an early symptom.

MrsSatan: "I will Rule You!"

Notable News Items

Item: What? THIS can't be true, can it? WHAT -- What if someone two blocks away gets a whiff of second hand smoke as a patron opens the door of the establishment? Huh, what then?

Of course, there's no reason at all that should be preventing U.S. cities from having private smoking clubs, bars, etc. Oh wait, yeah, there is something preventing us from having that...it's Extreme Political Correctness and liberalism run amok. Yeah, that's why a legal and taxed product is demonized.

Item: Well, you can have your private smoking club in the UK, but you can't have Risky Postcards, where - in RIO? Oh my, we cant have anything titillating. Did you ever notice you can't spell the word titillating with using the word...oh...you know....

Item: The Department To Coordinate the Distribution of Medical Marijuana. Where do I apply?
To be blunt, this is was a joint venture, where all parties involved reached an agreement at 4:20.

Where Did The Tele-Liberals Go?

THIS is now working, or should be, maybe, by the time you get to it. Or not. Actually, I found out around mid-day on Wednesday that there was no image appearing with the referenced item. So, IT should be working. If not...is it a Tele Conspiracy and should I make myself a Tin foil hat?

did you go, Tele-Liberals?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Time For Tele-Liberals!

No offense to TeleTubbies . I like them! Just a little something that came to mind:

Over the hills and far away, spreading lies,
Tele-Liberals come out to pull the wool over your eyes...
Time for Tele-Liberals,
Time for Tele-Liberals,
Time for Tele-Liberals.
Chubbsy Wubbsy. "Chubbsy Wubbsy!"
Flip Flop. "Flip Flop!"
Tipsy. "Tipsy!"
Ho. "Ho!"
Tele-Liberals. "Tele-Liberals!"
Scream, Oh No. (Everybody except Tele-Liberals scream): "Oh No!"
Chubbsy Wubbsy. Flip,Flop. Tipsy. Ho.
Tele-Liberals. "Tele-Liberals."
Scream, Oh No..... (Everybody): "Oh No!"
"Where have the Tele-Liberals gone?
Where have the Tele-Liberals gone?"

-----Voted out of office and not patronized by the Free Market?

Galloway Stands Tough!

George Galloway says "Y'arrrrrr- I'll take all 'a ya's on....."

Was (is?) Mr. Galloway on the Oil Take, or not? He doesn't seem to think so.
He can always fall back on his line of Golf Clubs.

Rest In Peace Rosa Parks

"I did not get on the bus to get arrested,” she said later. “I got on the bus to get home."

Nothing I can write that could or would add to the wisdom of that quote. Rest In Peace, Good Lady.

Planet, Smoking or Non....

...or is that delusional? All planets will be No Smoking, won't they?

Maybe smoking and non-smoking states? Countries? Continents?

"Give me the cigarettes, HAL!"

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Mooching...But It's All Good

HERE's where I found this crazy thing. Thanks to my buddies at Red State Rant!

Howlin' Howard Dean, sure seems to me, looks overly medicated in this image capture, doesn't he?

I thought I was the only one who had Conversations Like This. Whew! And the 8:30 bus arrives at 8:30!

Maximus Leader notes that the Avian Flu has claimed a well regarded parrot?

The Game bring us South Park takes on Katrina.

Basil Has News of The Worlds Smallest Car. Ed Begley asks, "Where can I get one and, like in 'Incredible Voyage', can I shrink down enough to fit in one?" No Ed, not yet. But I bet your brain would fit in the driver seat with room to spare.

Moe brings us some esoteric Animal Factoids:
Drop the Acidman A Note or Card if you have a moment, while he is 'On Holiday'. .."Ten cartons of cigarettes..." -- What a Guy!

Puck Up!

Today: The Wild hit Blackhawks Territory in what should be a good game. Coyotes howl in
Duck Land, as I write this actually. Flames, taking a loss to the Stars last night, hit L.A.

ReCap: Last night, the Wild gave the Blues the Blues in an incredible, edge of your seat game. Goalie Manny Fernandez was more than 'in the zone' for the 3-2 win. Detroit 6, Columbus 0 - ouch. Ottawa maintains perfection with zero losses, zero overtime losses.

Boston 6, the Penguins 3, remaining the only team without a win.
HERE's one look at their situation, and how maybe they can Cut their losses.

And as I post this its Ducks 3, Coyotes 0.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Pretentious Prissy PETA Person Provocatively Petrified

THIS is so funny it MUST BE SEEN. I don't know from where I ran across this -- somebody somewhere linked to it -- and I'm sorry, but I don't know where to give credit for pointing me to it. But thank you, thank you, thank you.

The video takes a bit (a short bit) to load, but it is sooooooooooooo WORTH IT! A MUST SEE if ever there was one! ENJOY!

The Right Shines as They Steal Another Tactic From The Left's Playbook!

The Left has their panties all up in a bundle again! Well, when don't they? This time, according to the Left, both Ronnie Earle and presiding judge Bob Perkins in the Tom DeLay case, the Left claim, will not be influenced by their own political affiliation. What rubbish. Are these Lunatic Left Crime Family members not the same people who screamed "Partisanship" when Kenneth Star investigated the multi-misdeeds of Bubba and Company? And now they have the unmitigated gall to falsely state that politics won't be a factor with either of these partisan slugs and how they handle the whole Tom DeLay non-affair?

Lefty's, we all are laughing at you, laughing at your rank hypocrisy and bias. I ask you Liberace Liberals: Are you more proud of your bias or your ignorance? Tell me, I want to know.

The Right has turned the tables on you in the world of public relations. Scott McClellan uses the same tactics that were used by Joe Lockhart and Mike McCurry. And the Left is having hissy pissy fits over it. Gee, "Dat's So Sad!"

I almost never do predictions, but I will on the Tom DeLay matter. Here it is: Tom DeLay will be totally, completely vindicated. And once again, as almost always, the Left will have egg on its face. I can't even tell who you Lefty's are anymore because the yoke is all over you.

Prairie Home Products From mrssatan

In keeping This Trend Going, and being one to never shy away from controversy or hoopla (or possible legal threats which I will entirely dismiss and/or countersue), mrssatan is proud, insanely proud, and giddy with excitement, to present the following merchandise available to the public for the first time! My valued Mafioso team of lawyers told me I have nothing to fear by publishing the following. So, without further ado, and just in time to order as gifts for the upcoming holidays, mrssatan presents the following Prairie Home Products guaranteed to be appreciated by those who are the recipient of these extraordinary gift items:

Be the envy of your synagogue with this Prairie Home yarmulke. Make a fashion statement during your worship with this high quality, hand stitched yarmulke. This item is for sale at the low price of $199.99! Please do not send check, money order or cash. The only form of payment currently accepted is the UnoCal 76 gasoline credit card. Even though this item is currently not available in stores you can own one for the low, low price of $199.99. Order a second yarmulke for only SEVEN CENTS! Item also doubles, when turned upsidedown, as a handsome candy dish or soup bowl. Wear it while listening to Lake WoDingleberryBeGone! Again, this item is for sale for $199.99.

Never worry about morning sickness with The Prairie Home Diaphragm! Made of a sturdy, organic polymer, this diaphragm will prevent those little swimmers from penetrating that Lake WoDingleberryBeGone egg! Residents of Lake WoDingleberryBeGone are never without their Prairie Home diaphragm. Even the men have one with them at all times! WARNING: The Prairie Home Diaphragm should never be used as a yarmulke. Order two or more, and we will pay all postage, handling and shipping fees! Checks, money orders, and cash cannot be accepted. Orders can only be placed by using your UnoCal 76 gasoline credit card. The Prairie Home Diaphragm can be yours for the low, low price of $399.99.

Churn your butt-er with this finely crafted Prairie Home Lake WoDingleberryBeGone kosher Butt-er Churn! Vigorously churn your Butt-er into a smooth, delectable treat for all to enjoy! Say 'no more' to store purchased, off-the-rack Butt-er Churns! This item is available for the low price of $179.95! Order two or more and we will include, free of charge, the "Very Best of Lake WoDingleberryBeGone" CD featuring classic program excerpts such as "Gary Loves His Butt-er Churn" and "Butt-er Love Is The Only Love Gary Knows". Order three or more and we will include, free of charge, a vat of Lake WoDingleberryBeGone Lubricant! Slide that Slippery Slope with the Butt-er Churn used by all who reside in Lake WoDingleberryBeGone.

No one should be without these fine Prairie Home products. Advertise your love of Lake WoDingleberryBeGone by wearing your Yarmulke, Diaphragm and Butt-er Churn wherever you go!

'Gary' uses these products. Shouldn't you too?

L' Chaim!

Legal Disclaimer: Quantity is limited so order immediately. The products above are for sale even though they may not be. Payment can only be accepted by putting the charge(s) on your UnoCal 76 gasoline credit card. No more than seventy items per household. Prairie Home Products may or not be affiliated with other similar named, Public Radio-teat-sucking bottom feeders. The name 'Gary' is a legal name, while Garrison is simply fictitious, made-up and phony. Nothing in this advertisement should be construed or interpreted as satire. S&H Green Stamps may be substituted in place of using your UnoCal 76 card. The maker of the above products assumes no legal liability or responsibility; in fact, we don't even know who the maker is or where the manufacturer resides. Companies that are incorporated in the state of Nevada may also be incorporated in Delaware. Residents of Lake WoDingleberryBeGone please include 100% sales tax. Offer void in Tennessee and The Islamic Republic of Iran.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

What Will They Call Apu?

The Shamsoons...... Maybe it will be funnier with the changes, since it really hasn't been funny in English for the last six or seven seasons, save for one or two episodes here and there.

Apu will be called 'Sven'? I wonder how they'll negate Ned Flanders' Christianity?

Next on Arab TV it's "CSI: Halab" ? ? ?
"Law and Order: Tehran" ? ? "Everybody Loves Ayatollah" ? ?

"Caller from ar-Ramtha, you're on the air with Larry Queen...go ahead...you're question for Cindy Sheehan....."

Wish I Had More Time For...

...for This story and how John Edwards just sucks money out of the pockets of businesses. Mr. Edwards, you're just another ambulance chaser.

And more time for this one as well: Whooooo Hooooooo! THIS is one movie I'll see! Someone turned the table on The Fat, Fat, FAT Bastard.

Speaking of El Obesoto Maximus Capacitous, I haven't heard much lately about his Fat, Blubbery, Corpulent, Roly-Poly Pritikin Stay.

I hope nothing has happened to Flabbius.

You don't suppose he's starved to death by now, do you? Somehow, I don't think we could be that lucky.


Credits: Thanks to Baby Girl, and Crack The Hammer for the 'heads up' to the above news items!

Turd Blossom the Truth Denier

I always go to sleep with a smile on my face and filled with laughs, every night, Monday-Friday, except when he has Opie and Poopy, or whoever they are, substitute-host for him. And you know, I like using the same name for him that he calls people - Turd Blossom. Very fitting for an aging, sour, sour-puss guy like him. I'm referring to This Guy.

Full Time Truth Denier that he is, last night, he continued to put forth misinforma--lies--but that's okay, I expect it from Turd Blossom. You see, Truth Denier Turd Blossom, when you said your boy Bubba was impeached "
only because of [Monica Lewinsky]" you, of course, were wrong, again. Actually, you do bat 1000; you're never correct!

The articles of impeachment can be found HERE. Please note, Truth Denier, that the link is to CNN, your gospel source of truth and fact so it must be true, huh--huh--HUH?!

And Here's a little bit more information you won't hear from Turd Blossom.

Truth Denier Turd Blossom also had audacity to call Laura Bush, Condi Rice, and a host of other conservative/Republican women, "Ugly", and he wasn't speaking figuratively, either. It made me laugh. He must not have seen THIS FINE WORK!

And larger, more detailed images of the same HERE
and HERE. Gee, that first group sure makes you...shrink up some, huh? Huh? Then the second group undoes all the damage.

By the way, Truth Denier Turd Blossom, we had The Department of Piece with Bubba. You probably don't remember because of the progressive dementia. Time for Kathy to change your drool bib?

Continue spreading lies and propaganda Truth Denier Turd Blossom. You provide me endless material.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Future Headline: Suspect Nabbed. Police Tracked Yellow Dots

THIS is almost like something from the 'X-Files'; marking you, or anything your printer has ever spit out, with an invisible code. Did you ever send any government officials a nasty letter (the DMV?)...signed by that omnipresent writer "Anonymous"?

Maybe they know who you are. Maybe there's a van parked down the street surreptitiously eavesdropping in on everything you say in what you think is the safety of your house. Maybe they have thermal-imaging cameras that can see through the walls.

Your Printer is the stoolie, the snitch, the tattletale, the fink, the snake, yeah, yeah, that's who it is. It's your Printer! That's who ratted you out, your Printer, that lousy bum!

Yellow Dots...Yellow Dots...the Horror...the Horror...

"Out, damned dot! Out, I say!

What kind of boobs?

Bryan at Point B calls them Pizza Boobs...and as Bryan points out, our mutual friends at Wizbang! have the pictures of those pizza boobs.

Ugh! I hope I still will be able to eat pizza. Thanks, Bryan!

Scientomogy, Cruise, Lake WoDingleberry: "They all NUTS!"

These People Are nut's. And so is This Guy. He's Pregnant by the way. All over the use of the word Scientomogy? Because of THIS! These people are all certifiably nuts.

And I'm only too happy to LINK to a site like this, that is rabble rousing! Go for it!

You know who else is nuts? That old, dry, unfunny, feed-at-the-trough-of-Public Radio-guy from Lake WoDingleberry-what's his name. Check This Story out.

Your client provides services? To...like...people? Humanity? A Free Market? Could you let me know what service it is that he provides? I don't have a calendar near me, is today April 1 ? I know if I were a Lake WoDingleberry groupie, I'd be confused between the real products and the spoof one.

No, it's not about a 'confused public' at all. Follow the MONEY.

So we have the creator of Lake WoDingleberry, who makes money satirizing other public figures, quashing someone else who is doing the same thing.

Boy, it's a good thing it's not somebody like Rush Limbaugh doing this to another. If it were, I'd be sick of the press coverage by now.

William Shatner hospitalized...

...with Lower Back pain. Doctors say, "Damnit Bill, we're doctors, not chiropractors."

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Cheney Resign "Talk"

Talk radio is full of Cheney Resigning talk, apparently fueled by the whole SuperHyped by the Left Valerie Plame story...(yawn).

But we do know this much: Judith Miller "Can't Recall". Ahhhhhh, the "I can't recall" ploy.

These are some of my favorite variations of "I don't recall." I've even used some of them from time to time:
"I just don't recall."
"I used to know, but now, I can't recall."
"You know, I just don't know. I don't remember at this point."
"I used to know that, but it seems I've now forgotten."
"Could you repeat the question? Oh, I'm sorry, I don't recall."
"Who What Now?"

Don't you just love a good "I Don't Recall" story? You know it's horse manure the moment you hear it, right?

This person said "I Don't Recall" plenty O' Times! And Again!

Here's a Good Compilation of "I Don't Recalls". Ummm, or at least I think it's there. I, er...ah, don't recall.

The Left Takes Their Own Medicine and Makes a Yucky Face!

Scott McClellan has received some criticism for his handling the other day of White House Press Queen-since-the-Grant- Administration Helen Thomas. Good for Scott McClellan, it's about time someone put this dinosaur in her place. There wasn't anything impolite or inappropriate in how or what he said to Mizz Thomas. This is exactly how you handle a partisan, biased, oblivious operative of the Left. If you have to keep talking and talk over them, you do it. If you have to hit them over the head with the ball peen hammer of truth, you do it. And you keep doing it until they shut up, realizing you're not going to let them get away with their propaganda.
Helen...where were you during Kosovo, Haiti and Sudan? You had your lips just wrapped around Bubba's puckhole for eight years, didn't you?
Oh, so trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrying only counts when you're a Liberal, huh Helen? A heart in the right place is good only when it's a (bleeding) Liberal Heart, isn't it, Helen?

You see, the Right learned this PR technique from Joe Lockhart and Mike McCurry. It's being turned back on to you, Lefties. Don't like it, huh? "Oh, dat's so sad!"

Story Here.

Tom DeLay: Left Lacks Laundry List

Oh, I see how the Left operates, so similar to the fake and forged National Guard documents on President Bush by Dan Rather and CBS. Oh, it's all so crystal clear to me now.

So, you DON'T have THEE actual, genuine LIST that you really need to put DeLay away, do you? Huh! Maybe you can get Dan and CBS to forge one for you that you can call "original". Maybe the list you need is stapled to the back of a Whitewater Billing Record?

Or maybe, It's Just Dirty Politics on The Left's Part. Naaaaaw, the Left wouldn't do that, would they?

"I don't recall."

Blog Notes

Always sad to see a Blog End but as he says, Gribbit will be continuing with Stop The ACLU, Conservative Angst, and Republican Voices. Wow Grib, it's hard enough maintaining even one blog. What's your secret -- have you had your self cloned?

Acidman is "On Holiday", or "will be", as they say in the entertainment biz. Wishing you a speedy and rapid return!

A Link to Turd Kennedy

I can't/don't recognize the language, but I think it's pretty funny that someone, in a different language, Linked to my Turd Kennedy image. Apparently Ted makes a good -- rather bad, impression.


Sunday, October 16, 2005

Avian-I Love You PC Virus

Copenhagen - Computer users were on high alert yesterday after an outbreak of a mutant PC virus. The Avian-I Love You virus clogged the internet worldwide. The virus infects computers and networks alike. How contracted has not yet been identified.

Currently, limited information is available about the new virus. Anti-virus software makers and providers are working around the clock to determine how to combat the virus and prevent its spread. The first reported attacks of the Avian-I Love You virus was experienced by the Danish telecom giant Eritas, LLC.

"What we have is a new, emerging, avian flu virus that, rather than infect people, took a left turn and selected instead computers and networks to be it's host. This virus is several steps ahead of current anti-virus products," said Jim McJim, Chairman of McJim Network Solutions, from his London office. McJim strongly suspects the Avian-I Love You virus is fowl-terrorist related.

They way the virus works is, once your PC or network is infected with the Avian-I Love You virus, it takes over the hard drive or network. The virus then surrounds those environments with something similar to an egg shell, taking control of the system. If that happens, your system is ruined forever. Hackers call it 'laying an egg'. Says McJim, "What we don't yet know is, how it is contracted."

The key in avoiding the virus is early detection according to Dr. Leather Hockleer of The Hockleer Institute. A combination of the avian flu virus and original I Love You virus, the new strain is a ticking time bomb. "Jim is right on the money that this virus is one bad egg, so to speak," said Hockleer.

"This is one egg that shouldn't hatch," intones McJim, "it's no yoke."


Co-Written With S.T. Miller

Puck Up!

Today: The Ducks, coming off their Friday night win against Columbus, waddle into St. Paul for a Wild Time, the Wild shaking off their Friday night loss to Vancouver. Lightning strikes the Capitals. Will the Stars shine in CanuckLand tonight? Blue Jackets hit streets of L.A.

Recap: A favorite team of my, the Penguins, are winless so far this season. I have no doubt they'll get their act together, revamp, and be a force to contend with. The Thrashers took two tough losses over the weekend. Friday, they gave up net in a 9-1 loss to Toronto. Saturday the Rangers held ice winning 5-1. They too should rebound, especially after a day or two off coming up. The Senators and the (insert "Jaws" music) Predators both remain unbeaten.

Brett Hull Retires. Stats Here.

Rank of NHL goal scorers:
1- Wayne Gretzky - 894

2- Gordie Howe - 801
3- Brett Hull - 741


Atlanta Hawks Jason Collier Dies

Twenty eight years old...having trouble breathing. Dies in ambulance while in transport. Wow. Unreal. I don't know how "it is" supposed to happen, but it's not supposed to be like this. Rest In Peace.

A Break, Please

We've had enough in natural disasters over the past year to last generations. A global "break" from all this, please.

Earthquake Update Here.

Guatemala Mudslide Update Here

Jesse, Don't Let the door Hit ya...

...in the ass on the way out. Farewell former governor, farewell!

    In a loonier moment, Ventura claimed that with nine of his SEAL buddies, he could form five roaming sniper squads that would paralyze the nation.

    "I'm the most dangerous man in the country," he told [host Donny] Deutsch.

    Ventura's big announcement, if anyone was listening, is that he plans to leave the country in search of a place with a greater respect for freedom and civil liberties. After a couple of commercial breaks, Ventura returned to the topic, while refusing to divulge where he'd be bringing his bigtop. People would try to find him, he said--the old Jesse paranoia.

May I suggest perhaps, Jacques Ventura? Gerhard Ventura, maybe?

Saturday, October 15, 2005

From Kerry/Edwards, With Love...

...or It Takes Three Collective Liberal Minds to Write and Send a Blank E-Mail.

An e-mail I received from johnkerry-johnedwards.net, sent by three ladies named Barbara (Sandy Beach), Acchu and Lynn, was blank. They had their little Yahoo Asleep
Send an Instant Message turned on, each face by their names. The perhaps funny thing about the email was, there was no text. It was blank. This is no surprise. The blankness of their email represents the collective body of thought of the Left in general. It took the combined efforts of THREE Kerry-Edwards ladies to compose a blank, wordless, email? Hey, my hat's off to you. I thought it would take at least a dozen "of you" to create something to that degree of refined caliber communication.

Actually, the statement-less email is representative of not only the brain wave activity of the Left, but their objective, well thought and fair political policies. Maybe the wordlessness is supposed to be a joke? Hoo-Haa-Haa-Haa-Haa, you Libs and your wonderful sense of humor. One can tell you have a bevy of joke writers providing outstanding, conceptual, finessed jabs and high-road humor at your disposal to slay your opponents or those that disagree with your Socialistic views.

Your email reminds me of both the 2004 John Kerry, and 2000 Al Gore, presidential campaigns. Both candidates with blank and idea-less platforms. Both candidates who believed they could win the election with unspecific, vague generalizations and one specific candidate (Kerry), who would flip-flop his stand on any topic depending on the audience before him. We kept hearing how the Left "has a plan", but no one could articulate what it was (well, beyond "Blame Bush and Republicans").
Nothing to say, no message to convey, nothing substantive to offer, nothing proactive. The "Usual", as it's called in the bar biz.

Kerry Gals, it appears you at least know and recognize your strengths and weaknesses and your email has as much to offer as the party to which you align yourselves. God Bless Ya! Keep up the good work.

Gore Declares Himself President as Winner of Iraq Election

Former U.S. Vice President and Internet Inventor Al Gore today declared himself President of Iraq. "The chads have been counted and in an overwhelming victory, I am the President," he said. When told that the election was for voting on a Constitution, not a president, he replied, "My election is substantiated by the Carter Center, I have won, and I accept the Presidency of Iraq," announced Gore from his election result headquarters, a hotel suite at the Baghdad Econo-Lodge.

The nonpolitical, unbiased, nonprofit George Soros Global Committee For Free and Uninfluenced Elections also claimed Gore was "overwhelmingly and fairly elected by a large, huge, big, really big, neutral, unbiased, wide, very very wide, margin. Too wide a margin to be contested. Really. Far too wide to be contested."

People all over Iraq voted today in a historic election for a Constitution. "Who the *&%$ is this Gore guy, and why does he claim to be President of Iraq," asked voter Jorge alza-Clooney.

Gore said, "I am," and then he paused, almost as if fighting back tears, "finally going to be known as 'President Gore'". The Iraqi crowd that gathered listening to him snickered.


"Gee Your Skin Smells Terrific...

...Actually, I meant it smells like the collagen from someone who was executed. And, um, like fetuses as well. What's your beauty secret?"

    "A Chinese manufacturer of injectable collagen for use in cosmetic lip and wrinkle treatments has admitted to a UK news source that the company routinely sources materials from the skin of executed convicts as well as from aborted babies. An agent from the company told a Guardian reporter posing as a prospective client that use of skin from these sources is not unusual in China."

Is this bizarre or what? I'm pretty sure that if baby seals and Bambi were being used for this purpose, PETA would be all over it. Where do we go with this as a global "community" with regard to condoning this practice? Do you want to rub lotion on your face or body containing extracts from executed humans? Beauty products containing fetal tissue?

Ancient Chinese Secret?

Friday, October 14, 2005

The Goose That Laid The Doomsday Virus

We've got Canadian Geese in Minnesota. Boy do we have geese in MN! And then there is the the Bird Flu, something to be concerned about considering its potential to be so deadly.

And these geese leave some big...Deposits...Evacuations, if you will, all over. The grass, sidewalk, driveway, parks, parking lots...Everywhere. Some golf courses are inundated with extra green on the greens. Thin the herd before it thins us. Unless Karl Rove can make happen that the avian virus infects Liberals only, then I'm all for it. And I'm sure Karl is working on that, too. Way to go, Karl! And I'm sure the avian flu is all the fault of the Bush Administration.

4,000 Year Old Bowl of Noodles Found...

...This guy says, "Warm 'em up for me."

A Whole 'Lotta Crushin' Goin' On

Russia Crushed Rebels. I have to hand it to Russia - they don't put up at all with this kind of stuff. They move in quickly, and end it.

"We're Saudi Arabia, and we're your friend. We're going to crush terrorism. Really, we are."


Please welcome CENTCOM to the list of news sources added to this site. I received an e-mail from SPC Jerimiah Richardson, U.S. Central Command, Public Affairs. SPC Richardson said he "stumbled across your blog."

CENTCOM has news, info and photos from Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Endure.

I'm an honored, Sir, that you stumbled across my blog, and proud to add it to the list of links on the Right, just under the links to Conservative Talk Radio Hosts and finance links.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Chavez To Expel U.S. Missionary Group

Hugo Cha-Cha-Cha-Chavez to expel missionary group.

The President of Venezuela demonstrates: "This is the church, this is the steeple. See Hugo Chavez expel the religious people."

Different Species, Same Joke

Bird Bird's extinct cousin?

Again, reasons for its extinction are only slightly speculative.

"Put a few more on the grill, these are good!"

News Worth Noting

Item: Bird Flu Deadly Strain in Turkey. This has all the makings of a pandemic of epic proportion.

Item: al Qaeda claims letter a fake. Dan Rather LEAPS to claim credit for writing it.

Item: Key al Qaeda operative nabbed.

The Vike's Boat

Profuse apologies to The Love Boat

The Vike's Boat

Sodomy, exciting not new
Come aboard, Let us bugger you!
Fellatio - life's sweetest reward.
On the Vike's Boat you will never be bored!

The Vike's Boat soon will be docking along your shores
The Vike's Boat promises toys and promiscuous multi-partner whores
Don't Go Tellin' Coach Tice
Because that wouldn't be nice!

Vike's Boat sexcapades - fun as all hell
It's what life is like in the NFL.
Yes Viiiiiike's Boat. The Viiiiike's Boat! (Hey-Ah! Uh-Uh-Uh-Uh Ahh!)

The Vike's Boat helps to forget our games of loss
The Vike's Boat party would'a been 'lot more fun with Randy Moss
Join a threesome or foursome
Don't forget the Reach-Around!

We all got kicked off the yacht
Guess we were caught
With Pants Dooooooooown! Pants Doooooooown! The Viking's Boat Pants Dooooown-ah-ah-AH!!!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

"Papers Please!"

This stuff disturbs and troubles me to no end.
And Bill author Representative James Sensenbrenner, R-WI (RINO?) says:
I believe Mr. Sensenbrenner's Cheese Head has turned into One of Tin Foil.

You know, this Driver License Nationalization gimmick is just that, a gimmick. Putting into practice what the bill calls for isn't going to stop anybody from doing any of the things noted above.

Let me get this right, Mr. Sensenbrenner, instead of concentrating on the individuals who illegally cross the border in San Diego and putting time and money into the problem there, you are instead requiring those who were born here and those who come here legally to have to
register as "legal citizens"? Did you consider building a big fence? A really, really big one?

And your bill will stop terrorists how? By making my SSN and other identifying numbers all part of a National I.D. Card? And this reduces terrorism how?

How about doing a better job of the screening process of people coming in? Whew, that must not be pork barrel enough for Sensenbrenner. See, folks, not only Liberals can make bad law. Republicans do their share too! That's why I have consistently said I'm Independent/Libertarian.

Hey- Thanks SenSen for selling my privacy. I'm sure though, that all that information will be kept as guarded as the SSN was promised to be "only for tax information" when it walked the plank and splashed into our lives.

A few years ago Minnesota tried the same thing, "investing" (i.e. spending money) in upgrading the DL and making it harder to forge. Not only does that story note itself that fakes appeared afterward, This Guy sold fake ID's for years, many of them fake MN DL's!

This legislation is frightening under any political party.

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