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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Thank You Veterans

Visit: Thank You Veterans

Bubba Book Big Biz In Iran!

And Iran, Iran so far away, I just ran, Iran all night and day, I couldn't get away...

Tell me THIS ain't funny!

Thinner

New York, NY - Celebrity Michael Moore unveiled his new self today at a press conference in Manhattan. Sporting an amazing slimmed down look, Moore explained his previous, massive weight was getting the better of him. "I'd eat all day, all night. And when I wasn't eating, I'd be...well, where do you think...on the toilet. It's amazing how many rolls of bathroom tissue a man of my previous size goes through in one bowel movement," said Moore.

Moore admitted that the rumors about him were true regarding hiring former circus workers whose job was to hose down and wash the elephants. "Yeah, it's true," reluctantly admitted Moore. "It was embarrassing. I'd take off all my clothes, go out to the back yard, and they'd hit me with water from the hose, and scrub me down with those huge, oversized, brushes."

It was not a pretty or glamorous job. Jose Gonzalez was one of those former circus workers. "I only lasted two days on the Moore job, I couldn't take it. He was disgusting. Compared to him, bathing the elephants is like working in a clean room."
Another man who wouldn't give his name said, "His [Moore's] ass crack was the worst. Having to scrub that thing...I don't care how long the brush handle was and how far way from him I was. I lasted one bathing, and I quit."

"I can relate to the workers, but I was paying them minimum wage, so, it's not like they couldn't find gainful employment elsewhere," a somewhat indignant Moore said.

Moore says the secret to his weight loss is a combination of techniques. "I used diet, some exercise, and thanks to the gullible, liberal public, I'm wealthy enough to afford several series of liposuction surgeries over the last ten months," said Moore. "Not only am I thinner, but I can legally claim the lard they sucked out of me as fifty-seven separate dependents on my taxes," Moore added. Moore closed with, "Those people who called me fat and made fun of my weight can't do it anymore, so they'd better stop it! I'm hungry."


Moore...(Less?)

©2005

What, you think the image won't be reposted, again and again and again? Think again, you Fat Fucker!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Pizza Box and Gore-Tex Linked To Cancer?

That's what the EPA is saying folks, that the material that keeps the pizza from sticking to the cardboard box, and the material used in Gore-Tex has a potentially cancerous chemical called perflurooctanoic acid (PFOA).

    Compound Used in Pizza boxes "Likely Carcinogen," EPA Says
    06-29-2005 -- Washington Post

    An Environmental Protection Agency scientific advisory panel has identified perflurooctanoic acid (PFOA), a chemical used to make Teflon as a "likely carcinogen," a report in the Washington Post said.

    The statement will be released in a report next month, and the EPA has released the draft report on its website. The agency is in involved in a major investigation into how the compound which used to be referred to as a "suggested" carcinogen. They are investigating it because it may become a regulated compound. The compound is used to make stain- and stick-resistant surfaces and materials like Gore-Tex fabrics and pizza boxes. They are investigating how it may get into consumer's blood and whether it affects their health the report said.

I'm sure the study releasing the heath hazards of second and third-hand exposure to perflurooctanoic acid will be due out shortly?

More Here. And More Here.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Organized Speed Demons

Youngsters are racing their cars at dangerous speeds on public streets in Denmark.
Maybe the United Nations can step in and broker this imbroglio?

Finger Found in Salad?

Woman claims to have found severed finger in Applebee's salad.

Well - maybe she ordered the
Finger Salad!


Some Order Restored

I spent my time today giving the Blog links on the right side of the page some order and minor reshuffling of the News Sources. (Not the Newspapers). Hopefully, they all are a bit more pleasing on the eyes. Nobody actually was moved that much, and everyone is still there, except for... Jack's Right, which is "gone" without explanation. Jack, should you read this, e-mail me and let me know if your blog is being hosted elsewhere. I'll gladly link to it.

The Right Wing Art Gallery Continues!

mrssatan is proud in continuing the Right Wing Art Festival.

This week, our canvas explores fusing
La Boheme, the Puccini opera, and the Comedy Central hit, "South Park".

With that in mind...


Our sixth Object D' Art is below and is titled...

LA BEHEMOTH WITH SINISTER SHADES OF CARTMAN


Concept by S.T. Miller
©2005

Monday, June 27, 2005

My Two Zombie Thumbs Up!

I give two solid Zombie thumbs up to Land of The Dead.

George A. Romero still has 'the touch' as a director and storyteller.

Dennis Hopper plays a Donald Trump-like character, presiding over the confines of the wealthy elite, who can afford to live in his zombie proof high-rise. Well, almost zombie proof high-rise...

It has some very genuine moments of suspense, and a sense of humor about its subject. The font and spacing of the opening credits is even unsettling. If you enjoy a good zombie film, you can't go wrong with anything from Mr. Romero.
©2005

On Woody Allen

Here's an interesting interview with Woody Allen.

Excerpt:

And Here is another.
"We tested that with polls. It's a hopeless case." Rather interesting, don't you think?

I like Woody's films and respect his talent for writing and directing. I disagree with his political views. But it is nice to hear him say that he realizes Moore was preaching to the choir, but didn't recruit any new converts.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Stuff and "Steve Needs a Hit!"

I'll have to use a Kerryism and say, "I actually did have stuff to write about before I didn't have stuff to write about." I don't have my notes with me, so, I offer this stuff:

Item: Do check out this Quigmans from yesterday.

Item: Huh...Tom Cruise sure is a lot smarter than he looks, isn't he?
I didn't find Tom's name show up in any of the Google searches I did using the terms 'renowned', 'famous', or 'pioneer psychiatrists.' Maybe Google just forgot to include him among his peers?

But I did find T H I S. It's about a third of the way down the page, under the heading "Former Members". Would you care to opine about this, Mister Celebrity/Psychiatrist...or is that Psychiatrist/Celebrity?:
Sounds rather GULAGish, doesn't it?

Steve Needs a Hit! I had the extreme displeasure of viewing a trailer for the Steve Martin remake of "The Pink Panther". Maybe it will be funny for people unfamiliar with the original and its sequels, with Peter Sellers (and, as far as I'm concerned the only Inspector Clouseau).

Maybe some studio will do a remake of "The Jerk" with...Ashton Kutcher? Remakes, Hollywood's way of saying "We are totally and completely bereft of original ideas."

Except David Lynch.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Paging Doctor's Howard, Fine, Howard, and DEAN

City Pages has This Wonderful Story: Gagging Dr. [Howard] Dean.

What to do about Howlin' Howie? Let him keep on just as he has been.

Finally A Brief Update

I battled with Wi-Fi today, and...I won. And I'm tired. I'm going to mix a large, very dry martini, and begin sliding into the weekend.

I encourage others to do the same ("responsibly", of course) with your favorite libation or party favor(s)!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

"My Dinner With Osama"

Another Minnesotan tied to al-Qaida.

    The affidavit states that Warsame claimed to have twice seen combat with front line units of the Taliban while in Afghanistan. He also said he had seen bin Laden on several occasions at one of the camps, including sharing a meal with the al-Qaida chief.


Eleanor Mondale Battles Brain Cancer

Daughter of former Vice President Battling Brain Cancer.

"
Don't forget to vote for Bill Clinton and Al Gore. Stay home if you're voting for Dole."
"I'd like to be the ambassador to the Bahamas." (Wouldn't we all...)

And more quotes from Ms. Mondale Here.

Zombies=Liberals

Nothing beats a good zombie movie...nothing.

I love George A. Romero. NOBODY makes better Zombie films than does he.

And Land of The Dead opens this weekend! I can't wait.

Romero is the director of the ultra cult classic "Night of The Living Dead", and my personal favorite, "Dawn of The Dead".

"Dawn" is, in my humble opinion, one of the funniest films ever. Set in a mall, the zombies just can't seem to get the hang of riding the escalator or the whole mall lifestyle.

And of course there are many political analogies to be made with zombie films. Zombies are the liberals among us. WHY? Because they all seek brains and are oblivious to their surroundings. How can that NOT refer to the Lib's!?

Land of The Dead and George Romero info here.



George A. Romero: The Undisputed King of Zombie Films and So Much More
©2005

Cause of Death: Liberalism

Damn this is funny! And commentary as only Mr. M can write.

The way I see it, neither conservatism nor President Bush have anything to do with these people dying.

If anything, the responsible parties for these deaths are Albert Gore and John Kerry for being the LOSERS that they are.

Mr. Internet Inventor and Mr. Christmas Cambodia, you have blood on your hands!

Dying because your political party lost the presidency. My, what worthy and magnanimous deaths...heh heh heh heh!
©2005

Another Blogger MIA?

When I wrote This Post , yeah, it was with humor. But the fact is, these blogs, New Eagle and Brian's Photo's are gone, vanished. And the Blog world is less better off without them.

Now, Jack's Right appears to also be gone. And again, the Blog world is less better off without it.

JACK - Where are you? Please e-mail me and let me know what's up. If you moved your site to another host, let me know, I want to link to it.
©2005

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Downing Street (Memo)

(To the tune of "Sesame Street")

Shi**y Day
Republican's havin' their way
What can us Lib's do to change it?

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get the Downing Street Memo

Lib's, they just lie
The truth is up in the sky
We'll (the Lib's) just pull
Something out of our Ass

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get the Downing Street Memo

Lib's are raving mad
'Cuz they know they've been "had"
American's see the Lib's for who they are
Off the Left end so damn far!

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get the Downing Street Memo

Dismal Day for the Lib's
It's always that way
Some day they'll pay
For they're just full of Fibs!

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get the Downing Street Memo

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get the Downing Street Memo
How to get the Downing Street Memo
How to get the Downing Street Memo.
©2005

Sick Bastard

I found THIS via the always entertaining ACIDMAN.

Check out the photo of Cory "The Dog Rapist" Williamson. Is that not the face of someone who'd rape a dog? Whattsamatter Cory, no retailer in Spartanburg that sells Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, or Playgirl? No video stores that rent adult tapes or DVD's?

Williamson is also accused of raping two little girls.

Cory, I hope your butt gets a complete, thorough, and repeated "working out" in prison. Over and over and over and over again.

I Rant Because I Can

I am at the point where I can no longer tolerate the following public behavior:

Screaming, whining, crying kids whose parents are totally and completely oblivious to their behavior. I know you are used to hearing it as you must hear it 24/7 - but the rest of us don't want to hear it. Okay, maybe some of you do, but I don't want to hear it. Shut the little ****ers up or I will, and you won't approve of how I shut them up. Can we say all say 'Duct Tape'.

Humming. WTF people, do you think others really want to hear you humming some asinine song that's stuck in your mind. Ditto the brainless individuals who have to sing along with whatever song is being piped in to the coffee shop, cafe, store, mall, et al. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU HUM OR SING.

Ladies, why does it take you so long to place an order at a coffee shop of cafe? How much thought do you have to put into it? Don't you have some idea what you want when you get there? "Full roast, Lite, or Decaf"? Yeah, that requires so much thought. There are just too many multiple possibilities and choices out there for the penis-less crowd.

Sandals: Good God, I am convinced that everybody has ugly feet. Sandals should be outlawed. Guys, gals - you're feet are grotesque and disgusting. Keep your %&#damned feet in socks.
©2005

The Right Wing Art Gallery Continues!

mrssatan is proud in continuing the Right Wing Art Festival.

This week, our canvas explores the amazing and perhaps, coincidental, similarities of William Bubba Clinton and Adolf Hitler.

You may (or may not) be aware of the similarities between President Lincoln and President Kennedy.

There are also amazing similarities between Hitler and Clinton.


Consider:


Hitler was born April 20, 1889. Clinton was born August 19, 1946. Note: There is only one day difference between those dates, 19 and 20!
Coincidence? I don't think so.

Hitler has six letters in it. Clinton has seven letters in it. Coincidence? I don't think so.


Adolf has five letters in it. Bubba is also comprised of five letters. Coincidence? I don't think so.


While Hitler had syphilis, likely from screwing prostitutes, Clinton screwed the country.

For all the Leftinista's out there, who are unable to refrain from calling George W. Bush "Hitler", this one is for you.

With that in mind... Our fifth Object D' Art is below and is titled...

BUBBA JEFFERSON BLYTHE HITLER


Concept by S.T. Miller
©2005

Monday, June 20, 2005

Monday: In The News

Tom Cruise "hosed". After the hosing (ahem), it was allegedly reported Tom, gripping his black brimmed hat, screamed: "I'm melting! I'm melting! Mmmmmelting!"

Iran Election Undecided. AL GORE DECLARES HIMSELF WINNER AND PRESIDENT! Hashemi Rafsanjani seeks RECOUNT!


Formula One Chief Bernie Ecclestone calls Danica Patrick a "toaster". Or was it a "blender"? Well, here's his quote:
Sorry for the brief update today. It's been a busy Monday.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Cannibalism: Life Imitates Fiction?

From Miller's piece on cannibalism to Putin's cannibal Faux Pas.

Where's the BBQ sauce?
©
2005

Blogger's Disappearance Boggles Other Bloggers

The mysterious and sudden disappearance of a Blogger has the blogger world abuzz. Blogger author of both the New Eagle and Brian's Photos sites, Brian Blazevic, was officially reported as missing, late Saturday, June 18, 2005. His blog sites, which are mysteriously blank, leave no clue to his whereabouts, or to what may have happened to him. Police have not ruled out foul play.

"He was due to fly back to the states early on Saturday, June 18, but he did not get on that flight. This much we know", said his publicist and manager, Jim McJim, of the Los Angeles firm Blogger Agency, a public relations and management firm hired five months ago by Blazevic. "He had traveled to Thailand months ago and was updating his blog's from there," said McJim. "My last contact from him was last Wednesday, when he telephoned letting me know he was marrying seven 'legal aged Thai girls', is what he told me," added McJim.

The blog world is full of speculation and conspiracy theories as to what may have happened to Blazevic, a world renowned, non-recovering alcoholic, who, despite days and weeks of drunken binges still managed to always maintain well written, intelligent, thought-provoking and coherent blogs. "He has a pending several-hundred dollar deal for a book advance, as well as a tens-of-dollars offer from Paramount for 'New Eagle: The Movie,'" said McJim. "We are all pretty anxious to hear from him."

His estranged and ex-wife of five years, Mitzi Mygosh offered no sympathy for him, when told of his disappearance. "The man is only concerned about his liquor, nothing else. I don't know that in our five years of marriage I ever saw him sober - not even once," she said. And, according to Mygosh, he was a mean drunk, "He would beat me like a cheap, trailer park whore - not that I minded the attention," she said.

Thai witnesses report seeing an intoxicated man, believed to be Blazevic, and his harem of Thai girls, at the beach near the port city of Bangmeamericano, but this has not been confirmed. Other speculation is that Blazevic was working undercover for a CIA operation in Asia, and that his blog identity was his cover.

Other conspiracies abound on the web, the most oft-cited being that Blazevic was actually working for the government at the secretive Area 51, also called Groom Lake, in Nevada. The government has not admitted or denied this allegation.

"I think he'll be back, but I can't say when," offers McJim. "I told him during the Wednesday phone call that the Paramount deal wouldn't be on the table forever, so I hope that motivates him to sober up and get back here."

Others aren't so optimistic. Colobra Answeesherishspoon, a Thai bar owner said he remembered someone who definitely resembled Blazevic in his bar late Saturday night. "He was with all these maidens. He was drinking heavily, but he also had an entourage that kept for him various toads and lizards, and he would frequently lick the back of these reptiles and get some sort of high from it. The waitress said his eyes were indeed very dilated."

Whatever the fate of this renowned blogger and world-class-raging-alcoholic, the MrsSatan site hopes he returns safely in the near future to blog again. Or, that his fate at least be known and the truth be made public. Personally, I don't think he's any 'Runaway Groom', but who knows? The Truth Is Out There!

Godspeed fellow blogger, Godspeed.

Contributing to this Story:
Rico Suave, San Diego Bureau
Holly Cha-Cha, Los Angeles Bureau
Rick Shaw, Thailand Bureau
©2005

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all Dad's, everywhere. If you're lucky enough to still have yours around (mine died seven years ago), give him a call. To all Dad's, remembered today, for all the sh*t you've put up with, you are commended.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Cannibalism, Never the Answer

Washington D.C. - By mrssatan associate S.T. Miller

In a shocking news conference from the White House Rose Garden, attended by President George W. Bush, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, and United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan, Mr.Annan, reading from prepared text, stated his new aid policy for Africa is, "With world deficit debt at record levels, I have proposed the following solution to hunger and over-population in Africa. The answer is cannibalism. It is an ideal approach as it works the problem from both ends. I believe this is what your former President Clinton called 'triangulation'."

Mr. Annan added that the success of his proposal would hinge on cooperation from the public relation and advertising firms for the American Beef and Pork Industry Campaigns. Said Mr. Annan, "I am thinking something on the lines of 'Hutu: It's What's For Dinner' or 'Tutsi: The Other Dark Meat'."

Appalled, both Prime Minister Blair and President Bush looked on with astonishment. Blair criticized the policy as overtly racist and impractical saying, "cannibalism, except in rare cases like Idi Amin, never was a standard practice in Africa. To suggest otherwise is racist, appalling and disgusting." President Bush, nodding to Blair, added, "I agree with what that guy just said."

Annan responded to Bush and Blair, "Perhaps you are right. Could you do the usual Fifty Billion in aid to be pissed away on French luxury goods and antiquated Russian weapons systems?"

Bush and Blair said they would take that under consideration, and promptly ended the news conference. As Bush, Blair, and Annan left the Rose Garden, the press continued shouting questions to Annan, who ignored them.

©2005
[All of the above is true, except for those parts which are not.]

This Blog, That Blog: Updated, Clarified

Basically, the blogs listed over on the right side of this page are listed as I find them. The exceptions are probably the first dozen or fifteen, or so, which are the ones that reciprocated back a link to this site, or, were kind enough, and thought highly enough, of something they read here, and linked to it, or gave it a Hat Tip or a Nod - and I greatly appreciate the reference. [Updated: These 12-15 blogs aren't the only one's I link to or that reciprocate back, there are those along the list that do and some that don't (and that's okay), I simply meant the first 12-15 were the first group in the 'cabal', so to speak, of blogs that I linked to when I started this. And they also found something they liked here. Also among these "firsts", listed under the Non-Political "Mafia" section is the well written Reverend Z, and the always articulate Baseball Is Life.]

I haven't yet joined or enrolled in a Blog "Organization" other than adding this site to some of the Blog Indexes or Catalogs. The blogs that I come across that I link to are those that I've read, enjoyed, and think are well written, unique, humorous, and worthy of spending time at.

I've had a couple inquiries as to why I eliminated the links to the Liberal Liberace's, or as I previously called them, the "Trending Left" Blogs. Well, the best answer I have to that is as this blog grew (and it's a young one, granted), so did the links that I found I wanted to link to. As I did, I found it rather curious looking at their sites, and, typically one-sided of the Lefty's, to only link to other Left sites. So, I basically figured, why bother? I still visit those sites, but I don't think anyone needs this site to help find them. Maybe at some point I'll re-list them, I honestly don't know.

On the elimination of Comments. Didn't have a problem with the comments per se, only that some comments were not comments at all but Tomes! Maybe I'll turn 'em back on in the future, haven't yet decided. But if Ya wanna rip apart something you've read here, do it on your own site.

I've looked at the Stat Meter's on a lot of sites. I'm amazed that the average time spent viewing per site is something between three and five minutes. I judge it by the piece or blog itself, if it's good, it doesn't matter how long it takes to read the blog. But I'm guessing the 3-5 minute attention span indicates that we all have only so much time to squeeze in all we want to do in 24 hours, less sleep time. As well as time spent reading blogs, we all (well, some of us-Howie Dean says conservatives never did an honest day of work in our lives) need to work, play, eat, and all the other daily things life has us do.

So, when we all hit our favorite blogs, do you really want to spend time reading lengthy, ad nauseam, tome-like comments, or the nuts and bolts of the blogger? I'll pick the blogger every time, even the Leftward bloggers.
©2005

Non Cruise News

Help Wanted: Saudi Arabia. (Leave your Bible at home.)

The Danes Demand Junk Food Labels. Flabbius Maximus seen nearby, protesting this legislation.

Black Gold, Texas Tea Update: Part 3, "Jed, come quick, the oil is gonna start flowin'." Story below:

Cruise News

The 100%, authentic heterosexual Tom Cruise is in the news.

And roasted no better than Here and Here.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Frontline, Wal-Mart and Bill Clinton

I watched some of that "free TV" that my taxes go towards whether I like it or not, on that Public Broadcasting System. You know the one, that still subsidizes shows like "Sesame Street" and "Telletubbies" even though the creators of those shows rake in millions from merchandising? Now don't get me wrong, I'm a free market guy and they should be able to profit from it. BUT don't use tax money to subsidize especially programs like those.

But I caught a rerun of the Frontline hour devoted to Wal-Mart, and the job losses to China. And how Wal-Mart, to get the lowest price it can, encourages its other U.S. vendors and suppliers to set up business in China for the cheap labor. Per the Frontline piece, the average worker makes $100.00 per month - and they're eager and willing to do it. Now, Bill Clinton signed the China trade bill in October of 2000. Now, to be fair, many conservatives and the lefty's were for this, and I'm not saying that overall, extending the trade agreement is or was a bad thing on Clintons part. But the cry from the left about the job loss to China is only partially true. China has lost more jobs than the U.S., and this is from July 2004, basically a year ago. But they are adding service jobs at a rapid pace.

And consider
this.
Frontline also noted that 80% of the items sold at Wal-Mart are imported from China. And since it's Frontline, and PBS - it must be true, right? So where does that leave us? I know there's a considerable group of 'those who will not shop at Wal-Mart'. I'm not one of those. I'm not at Wal-Mart often though. If I am, it's for the usual household stuff: detergent, laundry soap, toothpaste, etc. That's it. I get in, I get out. If anything, EVERY Wal-Mart I've ever been in has way too many crying, whining, screaming kids. Do they import them as well?
©2005

Turban Durbin


al-Ahole-al-Durbin

I had this idea a couple days ago, but didn't get around to doing it until today. I don't know that anyone else has done something similar - I usually don't read other blogs until I complete updating mine for the day. So, if there's others who did similar, kudos - no stealing or infringement intended.
©2005

Thursday, June 16, 2005

$1,000 A Plate and All I got was This Piece of Bacon



Ah - MrsSatan had a fundraiser. I'm sure it was a festive breakfast! Let's carve this up with a scalpel, boys. A breakfast? So, we're not even talking a big hunk of steak, or lobster, or something to which PETA would object. That's disconcerting. For a grand you get breakfast with MrsSatan. Wow. Spectacular. I'm not criticizing the teacher for saying what she said. MrsSatan is all things to all people, just like, um....um....that guy - you know - that guy -- BUBBA, yeah, that's him -- she's just like him in the ability to transform herself to get your vote. You cannot fall under her spell. It's like garlic to a vampire - always keep your garlic if you find yourself near MrsSatan.

On speculation she will run for the White House (bolding mine):
(*)How dare she mix politics and religion!

Whaaaaaaaaat? No Press?! Was there some kind of blood sacrifice on an altar, or - something even more devious? And, even though I still catch typos I've made on posts from my archives, (and I correct them), I can't believe the "News 2" team hasn't caught "..she be followed by lots of reporters....".

We can estimate that one third of voters will vote FOR her. And we can presume at least another one third will be adamantly against her. So who's left to court? The last one third. Or those "Undecided" until the last minute, or those who are decided but claim to be undecided.

Why isn't the press asking her any questions about the Ed Klein book?
Is that why the press was shut-out? Will the press ask her the hard questions as toughly as they press the questions on Abu Ghraib or Gitmo? Yeah, and Kofi Annan has a used Buick for sale that you really want to think about buying.
©2005

Kofi: Did or Didn't?

Kofi: Involved in oil-for-food, or not; appears the exec changed his story. (Yeah, after being dangled by his feet from a 60th floor balcony...)

The Always Defiant Kofi Annan

Would you even CONSIDER buying a car from this guy?

This guy needs to resign so - as my friends on the Left say, "so we can move beyond this oil-for-food quagmire and let the U.N. do the important things it needs to do." (Yeah, like promote internal pederasty - did I just type that, sh*t I guess I did.)
©2005

It's A Long Way To The White House (If You're MrsSatan)

(With apologies to AC/DC's "It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock 'N' Roll)"

It's A Long Way To The White House (If You're MrsSatan)

"I rode into the Senate
Like a native of New York
Makin' all the right moves
Amid the voting dorks
Shaking hands
Acting nice
Smiling always
Courting straight and gay
Watching what to say
Politicking all the time
I tell you it's all on someone else's dime."

Chorus:
It's a long way to the White House if you're MrsSatan.
It's a long way to the White House if you're MrsSatan.
"If you think it's easy making the pretend
Sometimes you find yourself at the bitter end."
It's a long way to the White House if you're MrsSatan.

"Hotel, motel
Always on the road
Greeting the 'little people'
It's quite a heavy load
Shaking hands
Oh the germs
But the PAC money
From all the Firms
I don't know how to spend it all
Maybe I'll hide some
Inside a hollow wall."

Chorus:
It's a long way to the White House if you're MrsSatan.
It's a long way to the White House if you're MrsSatan.
"It's a tough way to go through life
Being known as Bill's wife."
It's a long way to the White House if you're MrsSatan.

It's a long way, such a long way, such a long way...(repeat)

(Bagpipe solo)


It's a long way to the White House if you're MrsSatan.
A long way, such a long way
Such a long way
(Fades out)
©2005

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Schiavo Autopsy Concluded

Autopsy results are in on Terri Schiavo.
By all reasonable evidence from the autopsy we can conclude that, barring a miracle, it was highly unlikely that Terri Schiavo would recover mentally from her state. This still leaves open the question of removing a feeding tube, and, in doing so, is it humane and compassionate? If what we were told by the Left, those in politics and science as well, that starvation is a tranquil, peaceful, painless way to die, and if we accept that as fact - then perhaps we shouldn't feel too badly when we see a television commercial asking us to help starving children. Afterall, it's a tranquil, peaceful, painless way to die.

The biggest lesson we can learn from Terri Schiavo is to make our life and death wishes known and have them recorded legally, before possibly ending up in the same situation as did she.

©2005

Labels:


Without Cheney

(With apologies to Eminem and "Without Me")

Intro
DICK CHENEY/NAME NO GIMMICKS...

Refrain 1
VP DICK IS AT AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION (Repeat Refrain 1)

Refrain 2
WHO SHOULD RUN, IN '08? SHOULD BE DICK, SHOULD BE DICK, SHOULD BE DICK, SHOULD BE DICK, SHOULD BE DICK...

Verse 1
I'VE CREATED THIS VISION CUZ NOBODY WANTS TERRORISM NO MO'/ THEY WANT PROTECTION, I'M DICK CHENEY / IF YOU WANT SAFETY YOU SEE, THEN VOTE FOR ME/ NO NEGOTIATING WITH TERRORISTS WILL BY DONE BY ME/ I'LL DO MY DAMNED BEST AND KEEP THEM AT BAY AND AWAY FROM OUR SHORES AND OUR DOORS AND ROCK THEIR WORLD IF THEY F*CK WIT OUR CORPS/ BRINGING THE WAR ON TERROR TO THEIR TERRI-TORY/ CUZ I'M VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY. I KNOW I GOT A JOB TO DO, AND THE HEARTS JUST FINE SO YES I PINE, FOR THE WHITE HOUSE IN '08/ ELECTING ME WILL BE JUST GREAT/ I DO WHAT I DO SO COME ON, GET GRAVITAS BUM ON YOUR LIPS F*UCK ADAM CLYMER A BIG TIME MAJOR LIAR AND A**HOLE/ YO ALL CAN'T SHUT ME DOWN I'M DICK CHENEY/ SO GET READY CUZ THIS SH*TS ABOUT TO GET CONSIDERABLE/ I SOLD MY HALLIBURTON STOCK SO GO F*CK YOURSELVES LIBERALS

Chorus X2
NOW '08 LOOKS LIKE THE YEAR FOR ME SO EVERYBODY JUST FOLLOW ME/ CUZ THIS COUNTRY NEEDS A LEADER WITH BIG BALLS LIKE ME, SO VOTE FOR ME, DICK CHENEY

Verse 2
WHINEY LIBERALS GRASPING AT STRAWS/ KNOWING THEIR PARTY IS FULL OF FLAWS THEY START FEELIN' SO LONELY TILL SOMEONE LIKE HOWIE DEAN COMES ALONG AND SCREAMS "YYYYEEEEEAAAHH!"/ A PARODY YOU SEE, HOWARD'S NOT SCARY JUST VERY WARY - HE'S HILARIOUS - CUZ HE JEALOUS OF US/ LET ME TELL YOU HOW IT WILL BE WITH ME/ '08 PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY WONT TAKE ANY SH*T FROM PHONY DIGNITARIES/ IT'S A DISASTER SUCH A PHONY TIRADE WHAT THE LIBERALS DID FOR SO MANY DECADES/ WELL I'M HERE LIKE A NEEDLE IN YOUR SIDE / GIVEN LIB'S THE RIDE OUT OF D.C. THE CENTER OF POLITICS/ I'M CONTROVERSIAL BUT I'M RIGHT AND I BACK UP MY WORDS WITH MIGHT/ PROVOKING THE LEFT YOU SEE CUZ I'M VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY

Chorus X2
NOW '08 LOOKS LIKE THE YEAR FOR ME SO EVERYBODY JUST FOLLOW ME/ CUZ THIS COUNTRY NEEDS A LEADER WITH BIG BALLS LIKE ME, SO VOTE FOR ME, DICK CHENEY

Verse 3
FILIBUSTER, HEY BUSTER YOU BROKE/ YOUR WORD AND THAT'S NO JOKE/ NOT SURPRISING, YOU LIB'S FULL OF HOT AIR/ CAN'T TRUST YA, RATHER BUST YA - FORCE, TELL YA TA "F*CK OFF" LIKE A GNAT ON THE GOLF COURSE/ IRRITATING, EXASPERATING, TILL YOU SLAP THE MOTHER DEAD RIGHT IN THE HEAD/ RIGHT NOW, FOR A TIE IN THE SENATE YOU KNOW HOW I'LL END IT/ WITH A VOTE, YA TO THE RIGHT AND HAVE THE LIBERALS IN EMBARRASSING LIGHT/ THIS SH*T IT SEEMS FROM THE PRESS WILL SIDE WITH LEFTY SCHEMES AND LEFTY MAGAZINES/ I'VE THE EXPERIENCE FOR POLICY WHILE THE LEFT SELLIN' YO' FALLACY/ I AM THE WORST THING SINCE BOB NEWHART TO USE DRY HUMOR AS MY POLITICAL ART (hey!) HERE'S A CONCEPT THAT WORKS/ GETTING RID OF ALL THE LIBERAL JERKS/ 20 MILLION OTHER PEOPLE THEY MUST SURELY SEE THE LEFT IS NOTHING BUT HYPOCRISY/ BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY CANDIDATES YOU MAY SEE, IF YOU WANT IT DONE RIGHT IN '08 VOTE FOR DICK CHENEY.

Chorus X2
NOW '08 LOOKS LIKE THE YEAR FOR ME SO EVERYBODY JUST FOLLOW ME/ CUZ THIS COUNTRY NEEDS A LEADER WITH BALLS LIKE ME, SO VOTE FOR ME, DICK CHENEY

(Hum dei dei la la Hum dei dei la la... la la la) X2 "Kids"...
©2005

The Right Wing Art Gallery Continues!

mrssatan is proud in continuing the Right Wing Art Festival.

This week, our canvas is in the era of the great Alberto Vargas and his series of Vargas Girls. Vargas spanned a long career and hit a new audience base with his cover for the Cars 1979 album 'Candy-O'.

With that in mind...

Our fourth Object D' Art is below and is titled...


VARGAS GWHORE


Inventor of the Internet and the world's "oldest Profession"?

Concept by S.T. Miller
©2005

Monday, June 13, 2005

Jackson Verdict HERE

HERE.

The Report Cards

Okay, the Report Cards of President Bush and Senator Kerry have gotten a big share of attention everywhere, blogs included, so I'm going to be brief. For those few Liberals that I know still visit mrssatan, this is for you.

John Kerry received four D's. George W. Bush received one D. Four D's is worse than one D. Similar to golf, in this case, the lower the number of D's received is better. In this case, that would be Bush.

John Kerry had a cumulative average of 76. George W. Bush had a cumulative average of 77. See, 77 is a larger number than 76; yes, it is larger only by one, but it is the bigger and larger of the two. In this case, unlike golf, the lower score, Kerry's, would be the losing score.

Does this clear up the mystique of "Mr. John Intellectual and 'I have a plan'" Kerry? No, of course it doesn't - but you need to know your accusations that 'Bush is dumb' is invalid, and that Kerry, while no dunce, is no savant.
©2005

Labels:


The Governator

Governor Schwarzenegger has some good ideas going on Here. Bolding mine.
And no, I didn't make up the name Rusty Hammer, hit the link, the source is the San Francisco Gate, because it's a direct quote from the article.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

The Hatchlings: Political Privilege

Oh those Wacky Hatch Girls. Watch out when they hit the bars! If you're in law enforcement and you cross paths with them, you'd better be ready to treat them with kid gloves.

Of course, this Political Privilege Comedy of Errors wouldn't be complete without Minnesota Attorney General Mike Hatch donning his crusader cape and flying to Chicago to help his sweet, innocent Polly Purebread-like daughters.

But according to Nick Coleman, Pinhead Emeritus "writer" for the Minneapolis Star Tribune (the
bolding is mine):
Ah, so what makes a father proud is the profanities issued by his daughter(s)? What a wonderful place in a far away non-reality the Liberal mind must reside. But I digress...

You know, Hatchlings, you're not Paris and Nikki Hilton - not by a long, long shot. It's hard for you to identify with regular real life and how society, in general, is supposed to behave. It is not normal to kick out the windshield of any car, (unless you're riding with Ted Kennedy), let alone a police car. It seems you Can't Understand Normal Things, like basic requests from bar bouncers or police officers to behave yourselves. I guess you feel entitled to that type of behavior. Any apologies from the Hatchlings? Not that I could find. Continued patterns of this behavior, in the years to come can only include some future, and well deserved beeatch slapping.

Mazel Tov!
©2005

The Night Before Pill

The problems associated with this, could have been somewhat mitigated had they named it The Night Before Pill. I mean, is this in the news damn near 24/7, or am I just imagining it?

Pharmacists are electing to use their Rights of Conscience, and damnit - I agree - they have every right to do just that.

Rights of Conscience allows for medical practitioners to refuse to participate in a procedure if they have moral, religious, or other beliefs regarding the procedure at hand. In other words, the state cannot force a doctor to participate in the execution of a felon, or force a doctor to perform an abortion. And these Rights extend to pharmacists as well.

So, "Planned Abortionhood" has their speculums all in a bundle over this.

"[Karen Romano was] absolutely mortified that this man [pharmacist] was trying to delve into my most intimate and painful affairs to impose his own moral agenda".

Not quite, Ms. Romano. First of all, neither Merriam-Websters' mortify, nor Dictionary.com mortified entitle you to anything from that drugstore. Your pride was hurt or wounded, too bad, so sad - join the club. Second, there's no legal right to sue or demand anything just because your pride was hurt.

HEY - here's a much simpler, less costly alternative. Why don't you LADIES get your prescription BEFORE you plan to flatback?

And here's another novel, yet ultra-complex idea: If you find that your normal, neighborhood drugstore won't fill your prescription for the Morning After pill...go home, find a Yellow Pages book, open it to PHARMACIES or DRUG STORES, and call them and find out which ones WILL FILL the prescription. Yeah, I know that's a huge mental task that may be just too complex for some women, but really, the government has enough to do without having to get into even more regulations of what you choose to do with your...reproductive rights.
©2005

Amnesty International USA Chief William Schulz

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, poor Mr. Schulz fans. Closing out Fox News Sunday today, in reading letters from viewers, Chris Wallace read a couple comments saying they thought you (Chris) was rude in your interview with him. "Oh Dat's so sad!"

And to be fair, a couple other viewers wrote that they felt Chris Wallace handled the interview well. You did Chris, you held his feet to the fire and he couldn't take it. Good job, as always.

©2005

Friday, June 10, 2005

Shoot The Damned Bears

The bears are invading the suburbs. More often, law authorities are able to tranquilize the animal, and transport it back into the woods. Once the animals know where to find an easy food supply, our garbage, they will return to it.

Now, I want it said I respect wildlife. I grew up in a family of hunters who hunted for prey that was ultimately consumed; deer, pheasant, etc. We never killed for trophy.

So, there is story after story of the bear invasion..

And then, of course, comes the Don't Squeeze the Charm....I mean, the Don't Shoot The Bears Crowd.

"They" enjoy the opportunity to witness wildlife in their back yard. Yeah, until a roaming bear gallops towards you and considers your dog or child an entree before you can possibly manage to turn around and escape. Sorry, idiot, you're not going to outrun the bear.

You want to see a bear, we have zoos. You want to see one in its own environment, smear yourself with peanut butter, toss some raw hamburger in your pockets, and head for the woods and wait. Don't arm yourself with a gun for protection. No, you don't WANT TO HURT the bear, just look at it. And from the perspective of the bear, he may see you, turn tail and run. Or, you could become his main course. And I'm with the bear on that one. He's thinning the human herd for the rest of us. Good for him!
©2005

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chiden...Ch-Ch-Ch-Chiden

I'm all for people doing things that help them feel better about themselves. Whether it's losing weight, having teeth whitened, some wrinkles removed, some fat sucked out of you, a facelift, hair grafts...whatever. We all have to feel good about ourselves, and there's nothing wrong with that. I think it crosses into vanity if it becomes an obsession for you, or your main focus.

But...Senator Joe Ch-Ch-Ch-Chiden, what is up with the hair plugs? It appears they have been grafted in the front, forehead area, and you let them grow out and straight back to the crown.

Hair graft transplants come from donor hair, which is the hair on the back of your head. This hair almost never becomes dormant. Maybe Joe doesn't have that much hair in the donor area.

Joe, my question is, where are they getting the donor hair they're planting in front? Arm pit hair? And I don't venture any further south of there from where they may be getting the donor hairs.


Joe Ch-Ch-Ch-Chiden, The Newest Chia Pet Member
©2005

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Supermarkets, Hospitals and al-Qaida

The Guardian Unlimited is reporting that supermarkets and hospitals were on the list of structures for terrorism.

Does this surprise you? I don't think it surprises anybody who knows terrorism is a very real threat. I shudder to think what our response and defense would be with a president such as John Kerry. Or Al Gore. Or Howard Dean. Or MrsSatan.

In our wildest, most imaginative nightmare, I don't think most Americans would have, or could have believed that four airplanes were hi-jacked. And two of them flown into, and demolishing, two of the worlds most renowned architectural structures, and killing thousands.

And now, along with fears in the past of sporting events such as the Super Bowl, and other venues that attract large crowds, such as the Mall of America, are all places of potential acts of terror.

What's the answer? I don't know that there is one sole answer. It's a combination of responses and defenses. Depending on your definition of a terroristic profile, I don't see how the U.S. can't NOT strongly take a pro-terroristic profile, much like they do in Israel. If you look like a potential terrorist, you will be detained and questioned, period. If it turns out the authorities made a mistake, sorry about that, you're free to go on your way. And somehow the hardcore Left finds this a violation of civil liberties? Ask the survivors and their families of the Twin Towers about civil liberties. If half of the homicidal-suicidal-terrorists had been detained on September 11, 2001, things may only have been half as tragic as what happened.

You're robbed at gunpoint, and, lucky for you, all you lose is your wallet and your credit cards. When you're asked to give a physical description of the suspect, and you say "he was a white guy, about five feet tall, chubby, wore a baseball cap and had a brown beard," that description weeds out six foot tall slender suspects, black, Asian and Hispanic men, and women.

If you look like someone who fits a profile that has been determined by data and statistics based on what descriptions fit other known terrorists, sorry, that's not profiling in the sense the civil libertarians are getting their panties in a bundle.

Is it going to take another Twin Tower act , or the Pentagon or Pennsylvania to get some uber-Liberals to wake up to this? Unfortunately it seems that way.
©2005

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