Wednesday, March 04, 2009
You Can Have My Charmin Ultra Soft
When You Pry It From My Cold Dead Hands
Millions of trees are harvested throughout the Americas – including rare old-growth forests in Canada – to sustain the United States’ obsession with quilted, ultra-soft, multi-ply toilet paper, the New York Times reported.
Although toilet paper manufacturers could produce products from recycled materials at a similar cost, the newspaper reported, the fiber taken from standing trees are necessary to help give the tissue its fluffy feel.
“No forest of any kind should be used to make toilet paper,” said Dr. Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist and waste expert with the Natural Resource Defense Council told the Times. [ Uh, yeah, Step Off, Allen. - Drake ]
People from other countries throughout Europe and Latin America are far less picky about what they use to wipe.
At home I have a roll I liberated in Poland in 1983 from a Communist hotel. It is brown and rather corrugated, like the hand towels in old bus-station waiting rooms[.]
Only when they are pried from my cold, dead hands.
And The Anti-Soft/Fluffy Toilet Paper New York Times article:
Environmentalists are focusing on tissue products for reasons besides the loss of trees. Turning a tree to paper requires more water than turning paper back into fiber, and many brands that use tree pulp use polluting chlorine-based bleach for greater whiteness. In addition, tissue made from recycled paper produces less waste tonnage — almost equaling its weight — that would otherwise go to a landfill.
The EnviroLunatics don't want to encounter the wrath of the disposable diaper crowd, they only attack the general public which usually doesn't have any unified voice of opposition.
It is rich for the NY Times to publish a story on tree consumption considering how many trees it has decimated since its inception in 1851!
Have you tried Charmin Ultra Soft? It's fantastic. It's like wiping your bum with a small, furry woodland creature.
The EnviroLunatics can have my rolls of Charmin Ultra Soft and Cottonelle Ultra along with my gun; when they pry both of them from my cold dead hands.
Disclaimer: This is not a "paid" blog post for Charmin or Cottonelle or an endorsement for their products.
I'll be back shortly, gotta tinkle.
The EnviroTards are just off the charts in their whining. And so off the mark. They really * DO * need to go after those who use disposable diapers. Christ, there's landfills packed to the brim with shit-filled plastic-paper diapers that won't biodegrade until the year 2550. Let alone all that former Gerbers food now baby shit seeping into the ground water. Fuck that.
accordance and compliance with Fair Use Section 107 U.S. Copyright Code.
All other images and content © 2005-2009 David Drake.
Not responsible for content contained at linked sites.
Policy on commenting:
- Anonymous comments have little chance of being published.
- Comments made on posts 60 days old or older have little chance of being published.
- Published comments do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog author.
- Discretion of publishing or rejecting submitted comments rests solely with the owner and creator of this blog.
- Comments that egregiously "plug" (i.e. advertise or promote) another site or blog will be rejected. This doesn't mean you cannot include a link to your story, blog or to another site, but don't go overboard.
- Profanity is not a disqualifying factor, but profane rants solely for purposes of profanity are unlikely to be published.
- The owner and creator of this blog is not liable or responsible for the opinions of those who comment.