Monday, February 20, 2006
2008 Democratic Nominee Revealed
"I am proud to introduce the democratic candidate for 2008," said McJim. The candidate is a composite that is designed to appeal to all those on the left side of the political spectrum.
"We used the body of Ted Kennedy for one reason, and one reason only," said McJim. "Myself, along with other surgeons and doctors concluded, after having conducted many tests, that the Kennedy body, after years of abuse of alcohol, partying, and what-have-you, was the finest and healthiest and most durable that we could find. Our testing shows that his body has the biological ability to survive for many more decades. His physiological make-up is, much like that of a cockroach, suitable to survive almost any natural or man-made disaster."
"And, using similar medical science as in the movie "The Thing With Two Heads", we attached the heads of Albert Gore and John Kerry to his shoulders, connected their heads and synchronizing all three of their brains.
"Finally, we inserted the head and brain of Mrs. Clinton into the body cavity of Mr. Kennedy as the central command unit. From her, all propaganda, thought, and ideas will flow."
Democratic National committee Chairman Howard Dean attended the press conference to explain the political impact of the new candidate, dubbed "Six Six Six."
"The body of Kennedy was both large and healthy enough to be the anchor, no pun intended. We have the head of Gore who will appeal to the environmentalists and the global warming crowd," stated Dean. "There was debate on who we would use for the second shoulder head. Many were considered, but we decided on using John Kerry in the event that sometime, in the future, he may actually have an idea. The central processing unit that we dubbed Total Command Central, is of course, Mrs. Clinton. Her head was installed in the chest and abdomen of the Kennedy body and her brain is hard-wired and can usurp any decisions made by the other three heads," said Dean.
"The hardest part of the operation," said McJim, "was in fitting the Gore and Kerry heads onto the Kennedy shoulders. Kennedy, as you may know, for anyone who has met him, has the largest, most gigantic head of any person on the planet so transplant and usable attachment space was at a premium. We tried to find a body host with a smaller head, such as Chuck Schumer, but Schumer refused to agree to non-Kosher head attachments," added McJim.
Professor Leather Hockleer, of the Interplanetary Transplant Consortium commented that "this is no faked Korean stem cell story. I've seen and verified that '666' is indeed, a living, breathing entity. I don't necessarily know that this will be the candidate for the democrats that will usher them into the White House, but time will tell."
Dubbed "666", The Democratic 2008 Presidential Candidate
Labels: Ted Kennedy
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