Saturday, June 18, 2005
Cannibalism, Never the Answer
Washington D.C. - By mrssatan associate S.T. Miller
In a shocking news conference from the White House Rose Garden, attended by President George W. Bush, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, and United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan, Mr.Annan, reading from prepared text, stated his new aid policy for Africa is, "With world deficit debt at record levels, I have proposed the following solution to hunger and over-population in Africa. The answer is cannibalism. It is an ideal approach as it works the problem from both ends. I believe this is what your former President Clinton called 'triangulation'."
Mr. Annan added that the success of his proposal would hinge on cooperation from the public relation and advertising firms for the American Beef and Pork Industry Campaigns. Said Mr. Annan, "I am thinking something on the lines of 'Hutu: It's What's For Dinner' or 'Tutsi: The Other Dark Meat'."
Appalled, both Prime Minister Blair and President Bush looked on with astonishment. Blair criticized the policy as overtly racist and impractical saying, "cannibalism, except in rare cases like Idi Amin, never was a standard practice in Africa. To suggest otherwise is racist, appalling and disgusting." President Bush, nodding to Blair, added, "I agree with what that guy just said."
Annan responded to Bush and Blair, "Perhaps you are right. Could you do the usual Fifty Billion in aid to be pissed away on French luxury goods and antiquated Russian weapons systems?"
Bush and Blair said they would take that under consideration, and promptly ended the news conference. As Bush, Blair, and Annan left the Rose Garden, the press continued shouting questions to Annan, who ignored them.
©2005
[All of the above is true, except for those parts which are not.]
In a shocking news conference from the White House Rose Garden, attended by President George W. Bush, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, and United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan, Mr.Annan, reading from prepared text, stated his new aid policy for Africa is, "With world deficit debt at record levels, I have proposed the following solution to hunger and over-population in Africa. The answer is cannibalism. It is an ideal approach as it works the problem from both ends. I believe this is what your former President Clinton called 'triangulation'."
Mr. Annan added that the success of his proposal would hinge on cooperation from the public relation and advertising firms for the American Beef and Pork Industry Campaigns. Said Mr. Annan, "I am thinking something on the lines of 'Hutu: It's What's For Dinner' or 'Tutsi: The Other Dark Meat'."
Appalled, both Prime Minister Blair and President Bush looked on with astonishment. Blair criticized the policy as overtly racist and impractical saying, "cannibalism, except in rare cases like Idi Amin, never was a standard practice in Africa. To suggest otherwise is racist, appalling and disgusting." President Bush, nodding to Blair, added, "I agree with what that guy just said."
Annan responded to Bush and Blair, "Perhaps you are right. Could you do the usual Fifty Billion in aid to be pissed away on French luxury goods and antiquated Russian weapons systems?"
Bush and Blair said they would take that under consideration, and promptly ended the news conference. As Bush, Blair, and Annan left the Rose Garden, the press continued shouting questions to Annan, who ignored them.
©2005
[All of the above is true, except for those parts which are not.]
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