Saturday, April 30, 2005
U.N. To Assist Lebanon Elections
Bride-To-Be Abduction A Hoax
Desert Cat has some good advice for John Mason...run! Run away!
Tom Cruise: Back In The Saddle
Cruise is 42 (or at least that's what Hollywood tells us. Age in Hollywood is certainly a relative and flux item) and Holmes is 26. Huh, perhaps Tom has a little bit of the "Woody Allen dates embryo Syndrome"?
I don't know - I'm just guessing.
Friday, April 29, 2005
New Cabinet for Iraq!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Pssssst! Wanna Buy A Missile?
Dear Mr. Putin,
I too would like a missile. Would you sell me one? All I need is one.......for deer hunting.
You can contact me via this site and e-mail of daviddrake2005@yahoo.com.
I can pay by Visa or Mastercard, whichever one you will accept.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
David Drake
© 2005
Revelations: Omnium Finis Imminet
William B. Davis as The CSM
I'm also a latecomer to "24",(this season), and I wish I'd have been with it from the beginning.
Which brings me to NBC's "Revelations". When the promos ran for "Revelations", it looked unique and, considering the promos were running while world coverage was on both Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II, and considering the subject matter of "Revelations", the end of days, I thought it was worth a look.
Bill Pullman
Natascha McElhone
First, Bill Pullman. This guy is one of the finest actors around. Physically, he looks the same, pretty much, from role to role. But he always, always becomes the character he plays. I can't say the same for "bigger name" actors like Kevin Costner, Harrison Ford, Michael Douglas, Tom Hanks, or Tom Cruise, whom I think never transcend to the believability of the character. When I see Costner, Ford, Douglas and the others, all I think of is "I'm watching big-marquee-actor recite lines they've memorized."
Bill Pullman is real, and, in my opinion, far more talented an actor than the bigger names I mentioned. And the casting of Natascha McElhone as Sister Josepha Montefiore is fantastic.
Last night was the third part of a six part series. So far, the episodes have had different directors. And what's amazing is that the visual look, texture, and integrity of the series as a whole has not been compromised by different directors.
I'm not going to write a synopsis of the show, or try to bring anyone up to date on it. I am amazed that a commercial network took the risk in giving "Revelations" the green light.
"Revelations" is undoubtedly theatrical release quality in every way: production, special effects, location shooting, set, design - there was no penny pinching in producing this series. But the story (six one hour episodes) simply could not be edited down into a length suitable for theatrical release. So when television does something this good, it gets noticed.
Television hasn't done anything this good mini-series-wise since director Franco Zeffirelli's "Jesus of Nazareth".
Other than that, the only thing this good I can recall is the first season of David Lynch's "Twin Peaks".
And for another fine performance by Bill Pullman check out David Lynch's "Lost Highway".
David Lynch
And please, after you've viewed "Lost Highway" three or four times like me, feel free to e-mail and tell me what the movie is about because I still don't know.
© 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Short Sabbatical
The Friday, April 22 and Saturday April 23 stories are below the "Fatwah Foie Gras Faux Pas" story.
Full time return to updating and writing should resume late Monday or Tuesday.
Thank you, and enjoy the Archive items as well, if you have not checked them out.
Dave Drake
A Fatwah, Foie Gras Faux Pas
Ayatollah Khomeini ----Salman Rushdie-- --Foie Gras
In 1988, Iranian Ayatollah Khomeini issued, what at the time was believed, to be a Fatwah against Salman Rushdie, author of The Satanic Verses. Recently discovered documents, however, reveal a startling fact. According to Jim McJim, of the Institute For The Arcane Unknown, after exhaustive study of the Farsi language, McJim has concluded that what the Ayatollah was actually ordering in his decree was for .."Mr. Rushdie to be pelted with Foie Gras."
According to Mr. McJim, it was a misunderstanding of the translation of both the written and spoken words of the Ayatollah. "The Farsi language is quite complex, and it was simply a matter of critical misinterpretation of what the Ayatollah said. It's rather comical now, that Mr. Rushdie was in hiding for years over what was a language faux pas over foie gras, and not a Fatwah," added McJim, snickering at his own joke.
Other peer groups have reviewed McJims' work and believe it to be one hundred percent authentic. "The eating of Foie Gras was frowned upon by the Ayatollah, and he wanted Mr. Rushdie to know it," concluded Dr. Leather Hockleer, Director of the Clinic of Minutiae. "We have no reason to believe there ever was a Fatwah against Mr. Rushdie."
In related news, the President of France, Jacque Chirac, retracted his previous statement calling for France to issue a "Foie Gras against Al-Qaeda."
Chirac: " France has no Foie Gras against Al-Qaeda."
(Disclaimer: All of the above is true, except for those parts which are not).
© 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
News Highlights
Ze French 'are 'aving problems and differing opinions with ze European constituzhun. Of course, we wish this tried and true ally nothing but the best.
London: Britain's Association of University Teachers are boycotting two Israeli universities and its fallout appears vicious.
Black Gold, Texas Tea: Part 2 - "Jed, Jed...come quick. They's think there's lots more oil up in Alas-kra! Jed! Jed!"
El Obesoto Maximus Capacitous turns 51 years old today. We could all rhetorically wonder what special birthday meal this
Lard Lad will have to celebrate his fifty-one, ankle-crushing years he's been on earth, but it's probably safe to say that for Chubbsy Wubbsy every meal is a special meal.© 2005
Friday, April 22, 2005
Happy Belated Earth Day!
News Highlights
John Negroponte was overwhelmingly approved, and this has to be good if it ticks off the Bitter Liberals.
Silvio Berlusconi gets to create government anew. Don Corleone blessed the new bourgeois.
Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin, apologized for his current troubles saying..."it's an unjustifiable mess, Eh, you know, Eh...". What's a Prime Minister to do?
"Waiter! There's chili on my FINGER!" Ah, the Wendy's Finger in My chili story proves to be but a hoax. Unconfirmed reports have Wendy's late, great, founder Dave Thomas gave Anna Ayala, the lady who made the whole thing up, the "raspberries".
Apparently people are dissatisfied with the postal service in Hungary. "Just sign right here for your furs, Mrs. Douglas."
© 2005
A Letter From Dan Rather: "SEEKING JOB"
Dan Rather, Former CBS Anchorman.
"Help me. I'm like a catfish out of catnip; a whale without a fur coat. Sure, I can sit at home in front of my teleprompter and still deliver the news into the 'pretend' camera. But it won't be the same. I need my audience, I have the need to be seen.
Surely there's a place for me at CNN. Some liberal, socialist producer, who has a slot open for a liberal, socialist just like me.
The neighbors ignore me now as I wave and shout hello to them-over the fence; they used the listen. No more.
The dog won't come when I call him. The cat...the cat has always ignored me. It's you, it's you the public that I crave. My friendship with Garry Trudeau means nothing...nothing! I'll give it all up if I can just get back on television on a daily basis.
How old is Jon Stewart? He should be nearing retirement age. I could take over for him on Comedy Central. It would be a seamless transition from CBS. Or perhaps I could do a 'Chapelle'-like show, only from a Midwest, Texas boy point of view. Yee Haw - THAT would be funny.
I could go the route of Bill Moyers, Alan Alda, and Charlie Rose and PBS will hire me! I could do the news on 'Sesame Street'. I could appear on 'Zoboomafo'; or maybe even be a new Teletubbie, 'Danski'.
Yes, I realize my possibilities are endless now, in what I can do. So if you wouldn't mind, give me a call. And, as always, Courage. Blinding, raging Courage. Courage. Courage. Courage."
Thanks,
Dan
Blogworthy
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Italy's Berlusconi Resigns
Silvio Berlusconi
Jim Jeffords: "My last term."
While he won't by missed by those who can count on the Right to do the right thing, and vote for what is basically the overriding will of the U.S. people, the best that can be said is he didn't become a full fledged lunatic liberal.
However, this does not prevent me from saying, in my best airplane flight attendant, those words we've all heard on departing our plane:
"Buh-Bye, now. Buh-Bye. Buh-Bye. Buh-Bye Mr. Jeffords, buh-bye. Buh-Bye."
© 2005
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Early Edition
Republic of Georgia - President Bush received a compliment from Konstantin Kosachev, Chairman of The Russian Parliament's Lower House Committee for Foreign Affairs. The President is scheduled to visit Georgia May 10.
Europe Says Stuff - Finnish Prime Minister Matti Vanhanen stated Europe needs to kiss and make up to the U.S.
Europe Says More Stuff - Greece's Prime Minister Costas Karamanlis says bold steps needed to make Europe a political force on the world stage.
Black Gold, Texas Tea - Much oil, more than originally thought, was discovered in the Rajasthan area of India.
El Obesoto Maximus Capacitous - The Feeding Continues
April 16th, 2005
Wassup?
Friends,
How's it going? Ready for the next step?
Let me know what you've been up to and any ideas you have about what our next move should be (write me at the addresses below).
Meanwhile, I'll be in conclave this week handing out goodie bags and running for pope. Wish me well!
Yours,
Michael Moore
The Pope of Pie Town: El Obesoto Maximus Capacitious
© 2005
Twenty Four
Jack Bauer, Kiefer Sutherland
© 2005 (Hopefully more to post later this evening.)
Sunday, April 17, 2005
First Timer-Novice Takes NASCAR
"I was bored to death when I woke up this morning," said Kennedy. "I really didn't have anything planned for the day, so I made a few calls to some people I know, and asked them if I could enter the race. Well, the rest is history."
Kasey Kahne, who finished third today was both impressed and happy to see Kennedy win. "It just goes to show you that this is a sport for everybody, and on any given Sunday, anyone can win."
George Kennedy
Kennedy, whose films include "Cool Hand Luke", "Dirty Dingus Magee", and the "Airport" and "Naked Gun" films and their sequels, decided to enter the race using his normal, everyday car. "The biggest trouble when we'd pit is readjusting the lumbar back support," Kennedy laughed. "Actually, I wasn't sure I'd be able to make up the laps I lost when I pitted for those roast beef sandwiches, but I was really hungry and knew I couldn't make it to the end without eating."
Asked if he has any plans to continue racing Kennedy replied, "no, once is enough. I won today and that was great. I had a good time. But I want to leave racing to the Jeff Gordons and the Jimmie Johnsons."
© 2005
Barney Frank To Publish Children's Book of Tongue Twisters
Spbarney Sprank
"Sthee sthells sthea sthells by ththe stheasthore."
"Speter Spiper spicked a speck of spickled shpeppers, if Speter Spiper spicked a speck of spickled shpeppers, spwhere's the speck of spickled shpeppers Speter Spiper spicked?"
"How mucsht wood could a woodsthuck schuck if a woodsthuck could sthuck wood? If a woodsthuck could sthuck wood, he'd sthuck asth mucsht wood asth he could."
"Spubber spbaby spuggy shbumpthers, spubber spbaby spuggy shbumpthers, spubber spbaby spuggy shbumpthers."
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Amber Alert: Flu Virus Missing!
Milk Carton ----- Missing Flu Virus
This isn't funny. In the hands of a terrorist, or lunatic, or a Rabid, Ravenous Bitter Liberal, the results could be downright apocryphal.
However, authorities have asked for your help. If you see the missing flu virus, please contact the nearest law authority.
© 2005
Dolphin + Whale = ?
The zoo took a while before announcing it.
The calf was born on Dec. 23 to the only wolphin in captivity, Kekaimalu, a 19 year old false killer whale (Pseudorca crassidens) and Atlantic bottlenose dolphin (Tursiops truncatus) mix. Park officials said they waited this long to announce the birth because of recent ownership and operation changes at the park.
Upon hearing this news, El Obesoto Maximus Capacitous (aka Michael Moore) called the creature "lunch".
© 2005
In Other Animal Hybrid News....
Friday, April 15, 2005
PETA Ridiculed ... Me, Happy!
Gilberto Salinas has the story in The Brownsville Herald.
Some quotable excerpts
“I don’t know about you, but I want my chicken to be cut in the throat, hung upside down and bled to death,” Ingersoll said. “I don’t want no chicken that has been gassed. Chickens are not gassed in the farm.”
“To me, there is no difference between them [PETA] and al-Qaida.”
Olivo said the campaign is hypocrisy. “I’m sure they secretly eat their hamburgers,” he said.
© 2005
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Robert Byrd
We've certainly been hearing Robert Byrd babble on and on lately, haven't we? Is he the Default Senator when Ted Kennedy is hungover and can't appear before the camera? And do they default to Byrd when Mrs Satan is busy in hell and can't climb up through the earth's crust?
So we hear from Senator "Bob" Byrd. Bobby, to his friends. The ex Klansman, you know. You didn't? Liberals so often overlook this fact about his life. Don't believe me? Well, try this piece by Michelle Malkin. Want another source? Here you go.
And another. The KKK note is at the very bottom, under his "We Stand Passively Mute" speech. Boy, if that isn't an oxymoron for you!
And another piece on "the senator in hotel sheets".
And something I found, because you know this is what the Left would do to the Right, if the situation were reversed.
So with that, I present Below...
© 2005
Labels: Byrd KKK
The Klansman
Sung to the tune of "Taxman":
I drone on slowly, I can't talk fast,
Please stop bringing up my Klansman past;
Cuz I'm the Klansman, Yeah I'm the Klansman
When the Right fights us long and hard,
I'll burn crosses in all their yards;
Cuz I'm the Klansman, Yeah I'm the Klansman
In '06 the Right seeks more Congressional seats,
Well me and my Klan will don our sheets,
At midnight we will secretly meet
To banish conservatives from the street!
Klansman! Cuz I'm the Klansman, Yeah I'm the Klansman
My sheets just need a little starch
(Klansman - Mrs Satan)
Then we can start our cleansing march
(Klansman - Mr. Schumer)
Cuz I'm the Klansman, Yeah I'm the Klansman
Now listen to what I have to say,
I'm old and may not live another day;
Cuz I'm the Klansman, Yeah I'm the Klansman
Beware of him and all his kind,
They want to brainwash all your mind;
Rebel from the Klansman, Yeah Rebel from the Klansman
And you're slipping away from the Crazed Left Wing's Grasp.......
Labels: Byrd KKK, Dems Are Racist
Blogworthy
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Noteworthy Blogs
Brian at New Eagle writes a wonderful piece: A Better World In Seven Easy Steps.
Brian is Guest Blogger at the Arthur Chrenkoff blog so be sure to check it out.
Guest blogger: A better world in 7 easy steps
Today's guest blogger is Brian of New Eagle blog, who diagnoses the current condition of the United Nations and suggests seven steps to make sure that the current Bush Administration-generated momentum towards a better world is not lost.
Foreign News Highlights
The Belfast Telegraph reports on a series of nasty knifings that have occurred in west Belfast:
Knife attacks put fear on the streets Following a number of recent stabbing incidents, Crime Correspondent, JONATHAN McCAMBRIDGE looks at growing concerns over our knife culture.
The Oxide Family (Left to Right) Back row: Stella (Mom), Ernie (Dad); Front row: Timmy, Cindy, Grandpa Loopy, Grandma Rush, Ernie Jr., Moby.
© 2005
Monday, April 11, 2005
Rabid Ravenous Bitter Liberals
Monday, April 11, 2005, Air(head)America host Ed Schultz: "Rick Santorum is a scumbag."
--
Post after Post at DemocraticUnderground, on the day he died, celebrating the death of Ronald Reagan.
--
The daily distorted lies from The King of Lies, The Lying Liar of Liar-Dom Al Franken.
--
Or any other of the many instances where the Left has been nothing short of a blood vengeance verbal attack on a conservative.
And how "They" would squeal if the words above were spoken about them by Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage, Bill O'Reilly or any other of several conservative pundits.
And no links will be found to the sites of Malloy, or Schultz - or to their statements. If they archive their shows on their sites, and I don't know if they do or not, then the above statements can be confirmed. I heard Malloy and "FatEddy" Schultz make their statements live, on the air.
I'm amazed at how the Left, when they are a minority, they have ALL the answers! Yet, when they had the majority, the didn't DO ANYTHING with it. How many years did the Left tell us there was a problem with Social Security? How many decades! Now, within the last few months, the Left adopts a "there's nothing THAT wrong with Social Security" mantra.
Grasping at straws is what it's called. They have no plans. They have no ideas. They have no foresight. So what's Left (LEFT, get it?) for them do to? Attack the person; Attack, Attack, Attack. Call them hateful names. (You could argue that I do that here - but I don't think mine are hateful. Sarcastically Caustic? Sure, I'll take that! But at least my names are funny.)
And - simply put, it is scary that so many people are already backing ...yes, I know...it is scary.....Al Gore....
© 2005
Labels: Malloy The Rotting Corpse
Oh No It's...
GOREZILLA (by S.T.Miller)
With a fumbling campaign and a terrible frown,
He watches as those poll numbers go down.
Helpless Buddhists in a temple prayin’ scream “My God!” as he horns in on them.
He picks up endorsements in a union town,
But still those poll numbers keep going down.
Oh no! They say he wants your vote.
Don’t vote Gorezilla! Yeah…
Oh no! There goes Pinnochio.
Don’t vote Gorezilla! Yeah…
(Background vocal over guitar solo: “lockbox…” “I invented the internet…” “No controlling legal authority…”
History shows again and again Vice Presidents almost never win….Gorezilla!
History shows again and again Vice Presidents almost never win….Gorezilla!
History shows again and again Vice Presidents almost never win….Gorezilla!
Copyright 2000 Pendejo Productions & S.T. Miller. All rights reserved.
[Very special thanks to bpb901inc for Gorezilla design. Gorezilla design © bpb901inc]
© 2005
Sunday, April 10, 2005
The Left Continues to Squeal
Cornyn, like any Republican faced with debating the likes of Cluck, most of the time opted for the "sit and be silent while your opponent makes an ass of himself and digs himself deeper into a hole" strategy, and it worked well for Senator Cornyn.
With arms flailing, full chicken head-peck motions at full speed, Cluck was unable to restrain himself from repeated use of cooling saucer. Cluck, I think you need a cooling saucer.
He [Schumer] complained that Bush doesn't consult with Democrats when nominating judges, as he insisted Clinton did with Senator Hatch. He accused Republicans (Cornyn and DeLay, though not directly by name) and intimidating judges by implying violence. Schumer said he has talked to many "moderate Republicans" who have been intimidated by the Party Leadership into voting for the "nuclear option." He said that Senate risked becoming "Banana Republic." The camera was on Cornyn, who laughed to mask incredulity. He told Wallace that Schumer's remarks were "over the top."
It's funny when They Attack Themselves, isn't it? We encourage Them to keep at it. Surely they will gain seats in Congress in 2006 by their methods, yes?
© 2005
Labels: Cluck
Minneapolis Star Tribune: "Verify? What Verify!"
Scott Gillespie, the Strib's managing editor, says it's unusual for the paper to run stories, even if they appear as "fact" on another news site, that haven't been verified. But somehow this one managed to escape the obligatory fact-checking system unscathed.
The Man Who Would Be Tampon
The man who wants to be reincarnated as a tampon.
- And sometimes a feminine-hygiene product is just a feminine-hygiene product—for instance, when you told Camilla Parker Bowles in a phone call (intercepted by that nasty British newspaper) that you wanted to be reincarnated as her tampon.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Red Lake, MN: Search Yields No Gun
CBS Cameraman Shot, Detained, Questioned
Phizer Minus Bextra
Friday, April 08, 2005
Red Lake, MN Shooting Development
Under Pressure?
I'm sure we all will pay as much attention to this new warning light on our dashboards as we pay to the Check Engine light when it appears. This is the answer to idiot lights.
Maggots - To Your Health!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
News Highlights
Texas coach shooter apprehended.
An update on the Prince Edward Island Sealers and Protestors. See below on April 2, under Pope of The People, for the earlier story.
For those who care, an update on The Masters. And that would be golf.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
"Kal-EE-For-NEE-Ah, you are FAT!"
May I suggest this long lived, reliable and traditional means of tempering your hunger pangs?
© 2005
News Highlights
John Couey pleads not guilty in abducting, assaulting, and killing nine year old Jessica Lunsford.
Author Saul Bellow has died.
----
A very interesting piece on how much fun it must be as a member of the Senate or the House, and spend loads of money that isn't yours, but you get to spend it anyway. The article hits some abusers on both sides of the political aisle, but really, isn't that what liberalism is all about - recklessly spending money that isn't yours?
However, one of the worst abusers is, you guessed it -- MrsSatan.
MrsSatan, the High Priestess of Damnation
Three Democrats, however, are among the top 10 spenders with PACs: Rep. Steny Hoyer of Maryland and Sens. Hillary Clinton of New York and Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts.
Clinton, on the other hand, uses 79 percent of her PAC disbursements on operations. As with Kennedy, most is for staff, direct mail and administration.
© 2005
Monday, April 04, 2005
Item du Jour
Ill. Mushroom Hunting Regulation a Hoax
By Associated Press April 4, 2005
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. -- Mushroom hunters can breathe easier. Despite the rumors, the state of Illinois isn't charging fees and regulating the hobby this spring. The Natural Resources Department tried to assure hunters Wednesday they do not have to get a state license and pay a $16.75 fee to hunt mushrooms.
Department spokeswoman Gayle Simpson said the agency received dozens of calls last week complaining about the purported change. She said the department discovered someone had taken a press release from the Internet and used it to craft a fake announcement of the new license and fee. The hoax urged hunters to visit vendors that sell hunting and fishing licenses to get a mushroom license and said the proceeds would benefit biological and archaeological research in Illinois, Simpson said.
She said the agency doesn't know when the hoax was sent or by whom, but e-mails and faxes have spread it "like wildfire" through central and southern Illinois and the agency is investigating.
"Take us to your Leader."
Hmmmmm...what type of rifle or shotgun do you take for hunting mushrooms anyway? I've heard if you wound one, and it attacks you, you stand ZERO chance of living. Brutal, brutal, blood thirsty, venomous animals they are. Or does one trap them?
© 2005
Gore-TV Coming To You Soon! Be Afraid!
"I want another Florida recount --(whine, whine)....waaaah....waaaaahh!"
From the man who invented the internet , now comes
GORE -TV !!
"The horror......the horror........the......ho........rror..................."
(gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssp, thunk.........)
© 2005
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Pope of The People
I found a good picture of a playful Pope John Paul II, and I think he enjoyed his non-serious moments:
Pope John Paul II Dies
AP News
Apr 2, 2005 The Associated Press
Vatican Says Pope John Paul II Has Died
VATICAN CITY (AP) - Pope John Paul II, the Polish pontiff who led the Roman Catholic Church for more than a quarter century and became history's most-traveled pope, has died at 84, the Vatican announced in an e-mail Saturday.
Newsworthy Items
Reports say up to twenty other kids in Red Lake, MN knew about Jeff Weise's shooting plans.
Sealers and Protesters Rocked The Vote off the coast of Prince Edward Island.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Sandy Berger and The Pesky Papers
The Hamburglar ---------- Sandy Berger
Another Clinton Crony pleads guilty. Anyone surprised?
Former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger plead guilty to removing classified documents, and later destroying them, regarding the Clinton administration's policy on terrorism.
Now, I ask you; if you inadvertently take documents you're not supposed to have, why bother shredding them with scissors?
May I recommend
.What is it about anyone connected to the Clintons and their propensity for loving to shred documents?
In a related news conference, The Hamburglar stated emphatically that he is not related to Sandy Berger by blood, marriage, in-laws, or any other kin or relative. We believe you Hamburglar, we don't believe Sandy.
© 2005
Barbarella Backtracks "Betrayal"
Oh that Barbarella! © 2005
The ex-Mrs. Ted Turner, in an earlier career life.
News Items
Ted Koppel exits their network and "Nightline" at the end of this year. Why did it take so long?And let's not ever forget, "Nightline" was born of the
Iranian Hostage quagmire of the James Carter Presidency.
The Duluth News Tribune is taking heat for running an Op/Ed cartoon with overtones of the Red Lake, MN, school shootings.
© 2005
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