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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I, STADIUM Part 7: "Did You Have Enough To Eat?"

I'm sure much to the dismay of commenter Nico, who has registered his displeasure with my ongoing I, STADIUM posts, I have another to add to this series. Sorry, Nico, but this should be the final post. But don't bet on it 'cuz 'ya never know.

Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty will sign and approve the Bill providing Welfare For Twins Owner Billionaire Carl Pohlad this Friday evening, just prior to the start of the Twins - Seattle Mariner game.

Now, are you seated? In a big comfy chair? Perhaps you should toss a pillow or two down on the floor in case you fall off the big, comfy chair. I don't want you to hurt yourselves:

Ready: Every fan in attendance will get a voucher for a free hot dog and a small soft drink!

Geezus Keeeey-Riiiist, Carl, are you sure that free hot dog and soft drink won't push you into filing bankruptcy? Are you sure that's in your budget? Did your team of accountants give the AOK to this expenditure? It won't set you back so far financially that you'll come begging to the legislature for more money next year, will it?

I'm sure the hot dogs will be the healthy, nutritious, kind made with only the finest ingredients as opposed to those made from hooves, tails, entrails and snouts.

And the free small soft drink? Why, that should quaff even the most parched Twins fan. Don't accidentally drown in that free small soft drink, there, all you Twins fans.

I don't know, Carl, putting out that kind of money...a free hot dog and a free small soda...is that included in the $392 Million Dollars taxpayer subsidy for your brand new $522 Million Dollar Stadium, of which you're only ponying up $130 Million?

It's only Wednesday, you still have time to withdraw the free hot dog and soft drink offer. I wouldn't want to see you parked near the off-ramp, in your wheelchair, holding a sign reading, "Will Make Threats For New Stadium" sign.

Make sure you have your Little Eichman, Twins President Jerry Bell, nearby so he can pre-chew your hot dog for you. We wouldn't want you to choke to death on it.
You probably won't be eating a hot dog, will you?

Carl, you'll be seated in your owner's luxury suite with a full menu available of only the finest and delectable foods for you and your mega-wealthy buddies and the politicians that rammed this tax increase through for you. Senator Larry Pogemiller and Representative Brad Finstad will be on hand to change your adult diaper, wipe your ass and dab away the drool. And your buddy dumbass Sid Hartman will be there to tell you what a great guy and leader you are.

So, all it takes is a threat to move the team to another state and a free hot dog and small soft drink to fool the Twins fans and their political supporters?


BILLIONAIRE Twins Owner Carl Pohlad, 90-years young


Previous Posts On The Stadium Issue:
I, STADIUM Part 6: No Voter Referendum, Welfare for Billionaire Pohlad, Session Closed
I, STADIUM Part 5: Why Sid Hartman Is A Dumbass
I, STADIUM Part 4: Enter "THE LIAR"
I, STADIUM Part 3: Failed Arguments For Taxpayer Assisted Ballparks
I, STADIUM Part 2: Senate Bill S.F. 2297
Minnesota Twin Stadium: Why Should Carl Pohlad Pay His Fair Share?

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"Grrrrrrr." duly noted.
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