Sunday, March 26, 2006
SCOOP: Dean Johnson's Apology - Read It Now!
Through anonymous but trusted sources, this site has procured a copy of Minnesota State Senator/Pastor/Chaplain Dean Johnson's apology that he will deliver on the Minnesota Senate floor tomorrow, Monday, March 27, 2006.
Here is his apology:
MN State Senator Dean Johnson, DFL, LIAR
"To the Members of the Minnesota Senate, Members of the Minnesota House of Representatives, the Minnesota Supreme Court Justices, my fellow Pastors, my fellow Chaplains in the Minnesota National Guard, and to the citizens of Minnesota, I apologize for being, as 'South Park's' Eric Cartman would call me, a big, fat, no-good, poopy pants liar.
I apologize for inventing and fully fabricating a conversation with the Minnesota Supreme Court Justices that never happened; that only existed in my small, pretend, make-believe mind. For the record, it is not uncommon for me to have these pretend and make-believe conversations. I often have conversations with The Tooth Fairy, The Lucky Charms Leprechaun, The Trix Rabbit, and David Hasselhoff.
And just because these conversations take place only in my mind, does not mean they are not real. Why, just the other day I had conversation with Little Jack Horner, who was sitting in a corner, eating his Christmas pye. I said to him, 'Hey, Little Jack Horner, how about sharing a slice of that pye with me?' But sadly, he refused, telling me that he would never, ever, vote to overturn Minnesota's marriage amendment.
I'd like to thank the members of the Academy and my fellow actors and actresses for this award for Best Supporting Liar in the Minnesota Senate. You like me, you really really like me!
I'd like the thank my political opposition, the Republicans, for caving in and not having the spine nor the courage to censure me or remove me from office.
My peers in the Senate, Mr. Chekov, Mr. Spock, Miss Uhura and Scooby Doo, know that I am most contrite and repentant in my words here, today.
As I move forward, beyond this day, I promise with all my fervor to refrain from telling tall tales, unless I believe in my mind they are true and factual.
And now, I'd like to ask all Minnesotans to join me in singing our national anthem, 'O Canada'. Ready...a-one, a-two - a-one, two, three, four..."
©2006
Here is his apology:
"To the Members of the Minnesota Senate, Members of the Minnesota House of Representatives, the Minnesota Supreme Court Justices, my fellow Pastors, my fellow Chaplains in the Minnesota National Guard, and to the citizens of Minnesota, I apologize for being, as 'South Park's' Eric Cartman would call me, a big, fat, no-good, poopy pants liar.
I apologize for inventing and fully fabricating a conversation with the Minnesota Supreme Court Justices that never happened; that only existed in my small, pretend, make-believe mind. For the record, it is not uncommon for me to have these pretend and make-believe conversations. I often have conversations with The Tooth Fairy, The Lucky Charms Leprechaun, The Trix Rabbit, and David Hasselhoff.
And just because these conversations take place only in my mind, does not mean they are not real. Why, just the other day I had conversation with Little Jack Horner, who was sitting in a corner, eating his Christmas pye. I said to him, 'Hey, Little Jack Horner, how about sharing a slice of that pye with me?' But sadly, he refused, telling me that he would never, ever, vote to overturn Minnesota's marriage amendment.
I'd like to thank the members of the Academy and my fellow actors and actresses for this award for Best Supporting Liar in the Minnesota Senate. You like me, you really really like me!
I'd like the thank my political opposition, the Republicans, for caving in and not having the spine nor the courage to censure me or remove me from office.
My peers in the Senate, Mr. Chekov, Mr. Spock, Miss Uhura and Scooby Doo, know that I am most contrite and repentant in my words here, today.
As I move forward, beyond this day, I promise with all my fervor to refrain from telling tall tales, unless I believe in my mind they are true and factual.
And now, I'd like to ask all Minnesotans to join me in singing our national anthem, 'O Canada'. Ready...a-one, a-two - a-one, two, three, four..."
©2006
Comments:
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He shouldn't have to apologize. He may have been over zealous in his methods, but he seems to have a good heart.
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# posted by 
: 6:38 PM, March 26, 2006
: 6:38 PM, March 26, 2006 
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