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Friday, September 25, 2009

Trapped Penis Set Free

Penis freed from steel ring dumbbell fastener.

A man needed to have his "johnson" freed. MyStateline:

    (Costa Mesa, CA) -- A fire department rescue team went to work in a hospital when they used a saw to free a man's trapped penis.

    Costa Mesa's "Daily Pilot" reports the man apparently inserted his penis through the hole of an inch-thick steel ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener in an attempt to lengthen it.

    After two or three days, he sought medical attention at a Newport Beach hospital because his member had blackened and swollen to five times its normal size.

    Costa Mesa Battalion Chief Scott Broussard said he was told the man commented, quote, "this will make me the chief of my tribe."

    Search and rescue squad members togged out in surgical garb set up a watering system to keep sparks from the sawing from injuring the sedated man.

    Broussard was proud of his crew's delicate work during the two-hour procedure.

    The battalion chief said, quote, "if we're cutting right up next to somebody's flesh and don't damage his flesh, then it's a good day."

Yeah...oh hell yes, it is a good day if you're cutting right up next to somebody's flesh and don't damage it. Especially near penis flesh. Yes, that is - I agree - what I call a good day!

He sought medical attention after "two or three days." "Two OR three days."

"So, sir, how long have you had this device on your penis?"

"Oh..."(scratching his chin), "two days. Maybe three."

More on the trapped penis. NBC LA:

    "They also slid a little piece of metal between the collar and his thing, so if it slipped past it wouldn’t hit his thing," [Costa Mesa Battalion Chief Scott Broussard] told the Pilot.

    Keith Jones, deputy fire chief in Costa Mesa, told the OC Register that the man's penis remained fully intact.

And a happy penis is one that remains fully intact, isn't it, ladies and gentlemen?

My question is how did Joe Biden get his entire body inside the hole of a dumbbell fastener? Because he's a total dick.


The Penis Song: Monty Python

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Maybe we can get the Costa Mesa firefighters to remove the penis lodged in the White House.
Okay... just a little advice from a woman's point of view:

1. What was this guys idea of the perfect size anyway? I mean he waited until it was 5x it's normal size to get help!

Picture a Three Mustateers Bar... got it? Okay... now enlarge that x 5. HELLO? Assuming this dude WANTED it to be 5 times its original size, he's insane because no HUMAN female will go anywhere near him. I'm just say'n.

2. If you don't know how to use it in the first place it won't matter what it looks like because a sports car sitting in your driveway without the keys isn't going to purr.

3. No matter what... never insert any part of your body into any other object if you can't easily remove it without needing to get medical attention.
Maybe we can get the Costa Mesa firefighters to remove the penis lodged in the White House.

I should be thinking up headlines or blog post titles like that. That is damn funny, Molson. You coin the best incredibly creative phrases! Kudos!
I love you, Bug.

Picture a Three Mustateers Bar..


What on earth made you think of a Three Muskateer bar? I'm just laffing on that line. Oh...

Yes, there is such a thing as too tight. And the guy in the story demonstrated the fine line. What a funny story, overall.
Love huh? Well don't start stalking me or something like that! (I usually pay for that kind of attention)

What made me think of a Three Musketeer's bar? I don't know but maybe your should experiment and see just how close it compares.

Again... I'm just say'n.

I suppose I could have said "a pack of Life Savers" or gone the other way and said "a two pound summer sausage". Either way I would have insulted someone. I'm just trying to be tolerant and socialistic in my "fairness" of the male ego. If women are supposed to be fair then we have to see all men as equal in regards to their "unit of measure".

Still... I'm sticking with option #2... learn how to drive your hot rod or stay off the road!
I promise not to stalk you, Bug. ;)

I meant love in the platonic, friend way. Because, as we all know from the J. Geils song, Love Stinks.
Oh... well in that case, I love you too. :o)

Love often seems to go down the same path as a piece of uneaten fruit left on the counter. It's real pretty for a while...

I think "love" is a silly, nebulous thing that doesn't really exist. It's like a mirage. Just my opinion.

"Love Stinks" by J. Geils and "Love Hurts" by Nazareth. Now those two songs got it right!! ;-)
Wow... a bit jaded and bitter, David?

I have been accused of being "less than sentimental" but I don't agree that love does not exist... but I do agree that it can indeed be a mirage (bunch of tricksters out there).

It's much like faith... either you have it or you don't. If faith is pushed to the limits and it fails the test... then it dissipates and becomes nothing more than a past feeling. If love is pushed to the limits the same thing happens.

Looking back into my own past and analyzing whether or not I have felt love... I've come to the conclusion that love is a feeling of many colors. There are "individuals" in my past that I can no more love now than I could fly like Super Man. I can't even imagine how I ever loved them back then. So... love seems to be a feeling at a particular time that either grows or fades away. Thank goodness for fading love because... ewwww... what was I thinking???
Jaded and Bitter? Naaaw. I'm just a realist. :-o

I dunno. I think as a conceptual thingy love is undefinable and fleeting. It can be permanent, but it takes a lot of work. A LOT of work.

I agree love needs to grow or it fades away.

I'm not a good authority on the the subject. As you may have guessed.
Amazing... this "trapped penis" post has taken many turns but who knew it would turn into a philosophical discussion on love and whether or not it exists or, if it does exist, if it will grow or fade away.

Analytical philosophy... it gives me warm fuzzies.
Yeah, quite the philosophical turns on this post in the comments section, huh?

"...it will grow or fade away." You mean love or a trapped penis? Oh, I just hadda say that.

Forgive me. Spank me. Make me write bad checks. ;)
I'm sensing a fetish...

Have you noticed how no one else other than Molson way back in the beginning has commented to this post. Wonder what that means.

The word verification for this comment is "shexity". I wonder what that means.
ok you two... break it up... this is getting a bit creepy...lol

I don't think I have any fetishes, at least none that I know of or would admit publicly. ;-)

I was just jokin around. This was a fun comment exchange, no doubt.

"Shexity." It sounds like some name for a Mistress who runs a dungeon, doesn't it? Mistress Shexity?
Oh darn. Here comes Arc to bust up all the fun and shenanigans. Bummer, dude! ;-)
Ah yes... being that I'm smart, I knew you were jokin around (as was I) but if I had been liberal I would more than likely have been very offended by... well... everything! There's this idea that liberals are more "liberal" and thus more forgiving and understanding and maybe a little more "in touch" with jokes and having fun. Sorry... I don't think so... I find them more uptight and anxious to condemn than any conservative I personally know. Live and let live really isn't the liberal motto unless it affects a person in particular... then there's nothing they can do wrong!!

... Arc just shakes his head and rolls his eyes; probably upset he didn't notice this post first. :o)
One of the better comment exchanges in the history, (gee, should I say herstory so as not to offend the womyn who find the gender biased "his" in history offenseive) in the history...er...herstory, of this blog?

And a trapped penis is all it took to get the ball(s) rolling. (no pun intended but when I thought of it I couldn't help but "go with it.").

Liberals are very condemning of others, except when it comes to other Liberals like Roman Polanski raping a 13-yr old girl. Then, they defend the rapist. If it had been one of the conservative celebs you listed on a rencent post, they would be screaming for blood.

I usually roll my eyes at stories like the one in the post, but when a Mr. Happy gets as trapped as he was...well, hell, ya jus' have-ta write about it, don't you?
....Oh...Bug...and about "pictuirng that Three Muskateers bar....." ;-)

One of the funniest lines I've ever heard. Will never forget it.
Oh I agree... you must write about things of this nature! As it is... I have written more about it myself, specifically in regards to the TMB that had you rolling on the floor.

A post... for your further enjoyment is found at bugbreath. Well, there are a few new ones but I'm specifically referring to the one titled "Which size TMB is right for you".
"Which size TMB is right for you".

I can only imagine what route you took for the story. Will be checking it out soon.
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