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Monday, October 22, 2007

The Minnesota Wild, The ViQueens,
The Twins, The Timberwolves And
Sid's Abysmal Prediction Record

The NHL's Minnesota Wild has the second-best record - at least as of the writing of this post - in league standings with 6 wins, no game losses, one shoot-out loss and a point total of 13. Ottawa has the best record with 8 wins, one game loss and 16 points. You darn Canadians, you're born holding a stick and puck, aren't 'ya, 'eh?

NHL Hockey returning to Minnesota in 2000 is a godsend thanks, in part, to Republican U.S. Senator Norm Coleman, who, as then-Mayor of St. Paul, was instrumental in bringing NHL Hockey back to the state. I won't be supporting Norm's re-election next November. Norm, who used to be a Democrat before he switched parties, as a Senator has voted one too many times with his Democrat colleagues. Sorry Norm, you're bad for our state and bad for the U.S. and I hope you're ousted from your Senate seat come November 2008. If that means the state elects Coleman's Democrat opponent, so be it.

But back to sports.

The Wild has had consecutive sell out crowds in every single home game at Xcel Arena since Day One. SRO tickets sell out as well. Loyal Minnesota hockey fans endured and paid their dues when Norm Green, then owner of what used to be the NHL's Minnesota North Stars, moved the team to Dallas because at the time the state wouldn't help finance for him a new arena. It's no surprise that NHL Hockey is once again the phenomenon that was when the North Stars were our team. I still like the Dallas Stars and have nothing against them...except when they play The Wild, then they must be beaten!

The ViQueens

Which brings me to the ViQueens, the most pathetic, if not embarrassing NFL team, in the history of football. I can't understand how the four-time Super Bowl losers have such a fanatic fan base. When the Queens lose - and I love it when they do - you can be assured that at the office on Monday all the Queens' fans will be a miserable, ornery, irritable and crabby bunch of co-workers. Hey, it looks good on you, wear that team loyalty as disappointingly as you can!

NHL fans aren't like this, they don't behave like grouchy groupies when their NHL team loses (except maybe for Edmonton - that's a joke). Yeah, it's miserable, but we don't let it show. Instead, we put on our game face. Queens' fans don't do this. Every season Queens' fans set high expectations for the team and each season those expectations fall flat, crashing splat onto the ground. I find their behavior humorous, which is why I never cheer for the ViQueens. Actually, I'm mostly ambivalent to the Queens winning or losing- I don't care one way or the other - but I think it's funny when they lose.

Currently, ViQueens owner billionaire Zygi Wilf is doing an impressive impression of a dog on its hind legs begging for a treat seeking state taxpayer money to help finance a brand new stadium for his precious football team. Yeah, that's just what any state is supposed to do, provide corporate welfare for billionaires.

ViQueens' fans like to say, "Oh, 'dis will be 'da year 'da Vikes win 'da Super Bowl." Yeah, and if you believe that, I have ocean front beach property to sell you on Neptune.
You can always count on one thing from the ViQueens, though, no matter who owns them: When it's Crunch Time, the Queens will "choke". Four Super Bowl losses? That's just sad.

The Twins

The Minnesota Twins won two World Series. Yeah...so what have you done lately? Well, a few years ago Twins' owner billionaire Carl Pohlad, along with cretinous MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, concocted a false threat of contracting the team because at the time the state wouldn't help finance a new baseball stadium for Billionaire Carl. When that intimidation tactic didn't secure public money to help fund a new stadium for Billionaire Carl, the Pohlad family threatened to sell and move the team to another state. (1) Well, you can take your precious baseball team and shove it up your wheelchair-bound ass, Carl. I love it when the Twins lose and I love it when they have a lousy season. The Twins never fail to disappoint their fan base who have the same immaturity as do ViQueens' fans, wearing that discontent and disappointment well. It looks good on them.

The Timberwovles

I like the NBA, always have. The Timberwolves, sadly is another story, yet another professional sports team with sad-sack fans with high hopes and expectations who are disappointed at the end of every season. The T-Wolves finally - after holding onto him for far too many years - traded the overrated (in my opinion) Kevin Garnett at the end of last year's season. There is one huge problem the T-Wolves still have and, coincidentally, his name is also Kevin; Kevin McHale former Boston Celtic player. Just because anyone has the ability to play a sport well doesn't mean they're going to be a talented VP of Operations, and McHale is not - not by any means.

The Celtics won NBA championships not because McHale played for them, they won because they had a pool of very talented players of which McHale was one of them. The Celtics had Larry Bird, Robert Parrish, Danny Ainge and yes, McHale, but he did not make or break that team. The T-Wolves have one win and four losses in current exhibition play. Look for another disappointing season from them until, or if, T-Wolves owner Glen Taylor does the right think by dumping McHale.

Sid The Shill

The sports section of the Sunday Minneapolis Red Star North Korean Tribune (MRSNKT), since the start of the official NFL season, has been running a Prediction series. Guess who's dead last in his ability to accurately pick the winner/loser of any ViQueens game? Yep, it's octogenarian MRSNKT sports scribbler Sid The Shill Hartman, who allegedly is a sports "expert". His prediction's pick is currently at 1-4, (W/L)...one win, four losses. This atrocious record proves only one thing; that his bias and love for the ViQueens overshadows any ability for him to make an objective prediction.

Sid The Shill should be embarrassed that Kevin Seifert, a MRSNKT "beat reporter" has a prediction ratio of 3-2. Judd Zulgrad, another MRSNKT "beat reporter" has a prediction ratio of 2-3, as does MRSNKT sports columnist Patrick Reusse. (Reusse, I disagree with your politics but I love your writing). Mark Craig, a MRSNKT NFL reporter has a prediction ratio of 4-1! Yet The Shill, in all his visions of myopic delusions of ViQueens grandeur, can only muster a 1-4 prediction record. What a gonad.

The MRSNKT Predictions are made by six MRSNKT writers and one guest prediction picker. In Sunday's game of the ViQueens vs the Dallas Cowboys, only one predicted the ViQueens to win. Can you guess who that might be? Of course, it's Sid The Shill. Every other prediction-maker picked the Cowboys over the Queens. And the seventh guest prediction picker - Jay DeMarcus, bass guitarist for the band Rascal Flatts - also picks Dallas.

Any so-called sports "expert" should be embarrassed by an abysmal 1-4 record, considering The Shill has been writing about sports since the Paleolithic Period ended - at least it seems that way. The Shill's gargantuan nose is so deeply embedded up the asses of both Zygi Wilf and Carl Pohlad he cannot remotely approach objectivism with his predictions.

A 1-4 in prediction picks...Christ, my neighbor's ADHD - riddled ferret could make more accurate, unbiased predictions.

Shill, wear a cheerleader outfit - maybe someone can donate one to you since you're too frugal cheap to buy one with your own money - get some some pom-poms and be the low-rent ho you are for Wilf and Pohlad. The Shill's prediction ratio will be 1-5 after the Queens lose to the Cowboys.

My predictions

As I alluded to in the above paragraph, the ViQueens will lose to the Cowboys and thus, die-hard ViQueens fans will be their usual inconsolable bunch of long-faced, slack-jawed sad sacks come Monday.

The MN Wild will beat the Colorado Avalanche. I'm not a good predictor of scores - I don't claim to be - but I'll say the outcome of the game will be Wild - 4; Avalanche 2.

The Timberwolves will have another insufferable season this year, with a season ending win/loss percentage under .400.

Publishing Note: This post is dated as Monday, October 22, but actually written and posted Sunday, October 21, prior to both the MN Wild-CO Avalanche game and the outcome of the ViQueens-Cowboys game. If I'm wrong on my game predictions, feel free to add your smarmy smart-assed comments.

-UPDATE: Cowboys beat ViQueens 24-14! Sid The Shill's prediction "picks" drops to 1-5! What a loser! Bwa ha ha ha ha! That is soooooo pathetic.

-UPDATE 2: The Wild beat the Avalance 3-2...hey, so I was one goal off with my prediction of 4-2. I'm 2-0 while The Shill is 1-5!


(1) ESPN: The Owners We Love To Hate - by Jonah Keri

sorry but i am really cheezed about my seminoles right now. i will get back to you when i chill out.
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