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Tuesday, September 04, 2007

No Bologna Homosapiens
In Dakota County Jail

With profuse apologies to one of my favorite rockers of all time, Alice Cooper and his song, No Baloney Homosapiens:

Inmates at the Minnesota Dakota County jail are complaining of the menu: bologna sandwiches. For supper they are served bologna sandwiches Monday through Friday and again on weekends. Why, this is outrageous! They should be dining on filet mignon and lobster, right?

From The St. Paul Pioneer Press, aka TwinCities.com:

    [Inmates are served] two turkey bologna sandwiches and a small side dish of fruit per inmate, seven days a week, 365 days a year.

    [...]

    [On weekend and holiday] there's hot foot at 10AM followed by - you guessed it - bologna sandwiches at night.

    [...]

    The Minnesota Department of Corrections has defended the bologna-only dinner regimen, noting that each year, the county has a dietician [sic] review the jail's cuisine, which she found average a healthy 2,700 calories daily per inmate.

    [...]

    "Please look into these civil rights that are being violated. Inmates are very hungry here," [wrote one prisoner in a complaint about the food].

Why, these inmates are just being abused, aren't they? Here's the caveat:

    David Bellows, chief deputy of the county sheriff's department, noted jails are mostly short-term holding facilities, with inmates averaged no more than seven or eight days behind bars.

I'm sure the inmates - prior to their incarceration - were all prime examples of eating only the most healthy and all-natural foods, low in fat, low in sugar and food with no preservatives; the kind of food one finds at co-ops.

"Don't do the crime if you can't do the crime."

Enjoy those bologna sandwiches. Be thankful you're not being served road kill. Or tofu.

    Yes, we're no bologna, we're homosapiens
    We're not phoney
    Yeah, we're no bologna homosapiens

    Yes, we're no bologna, homosapiens
    Take it back with ya
    We're no bologna homosapiens
    No bologna, homosapiens.

No Bologna Jailed Homosapiens. Sorry Alice...

©2007

Comments:
"well, I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, Baloney and spam!..."
 
"You rike some-a shitty spam to go with that?"
 
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