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Monday, August 27, 2007

Owen Wilson's Unconvincing
Portrayal Of A Suicide Victim

Owen Wilson's lackluster and unconvincing performance as a real life suicide reached an abrupt halt when he unfortunately lived through the actions of taking his own life. This is just another in a long line of disappointing, bland, lifeless and unenthusiastic performances by Wilson in his career as a thespian.

Unfortunately...Owen Wilson lives, at least for the time being.

Wilson unsuccessfully attempted suicide on Sunday. SlashFilm.com (heh, SlashFilm...):

    The National Enquirer and Star magazine are exclusively reporting that Owen Wilson tried to commit suicide on Sunday and has now been transported to St. John’s hospital in Santa Monica. Police and ambulance responded to a 911 call from Wilson’s house in Los Angeles on Sunday early afternoon.


    A family member discovered the star and made the call. Sources tell the magazines that Wilson sliced his left wrists and took an indeterminate amount of pills. The Enquirer says that Wilson’s wrist was stitched and bandaged at the hospital, and that Wilson would “be detoxed.”

Wilson is asking for private time to "heal". NZHerald:

    "I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time," Wilson, 38, said in a statement.

It is indeed sad that Mr. Wilson didn't accomplish this feat. It is unfortunate that he didn't make some sort of murder-suicide pact with his untalented brother Luke to forever free the world from their atrocious acting.

Wilson's cowardly act of failing to finalize what could have been his greatest performance is a real tragedy.

Left/Right: Owen Wilson and brother Luke. I wonder...do you think both of those noses have hoovered up their share of blow?

Undoubtedly there exists hundreds, maybe thousands, of wannabe actors in Los Angeles who are waiting tables waiting for their big break into acting. Any one of these waiters likely possess far more acting skills and ability than does Wilson.

I want to help you Owen. When suicide crosses your mind again, and it probably will, and you want to act on it, you need to obtain a gun, preferably a shotgun and use it to blow your brains out. If you can take your brother Luke with you, then it's all the better. And...you're welcome.


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