Monday, August 13, 2007
Garrison Gary Keillor, Mister Elite
Gary Kellior, Mr. Elite
Liberal Elitist and recipient of taxpayer money for his weekly National Public Radio grade school-like program, Gary Keillor claims, in his syndicated column, "RECIPE FOR AVOIDING RISKY BRIDGES: HOLD THE MAYO", that he was standing in line at H & H Bagels in New York when the I-35W bridge collapsed. Immune, disaffected and removed from those that were touched by the bridge collapse, Mr. Elite takes time in his column to inform us that his bagel consisted of, "cream cheese, scallions and poppy seeds." I guess when you're expected to fill a certain amount of column inches, folks like Mr. Elite resort to unimportant and insignificant details such as bagel toppings. Then again, maybe he's paid by the word.
Keillor, who in his Star Tribune column a week or so ago, wrote about his trip to Norway (or was it Denmark - I can't keep up with this wealthy jet-setter and his travel itinerary), takes the opportunity to blame Conservatives and Republicans for the bridge tragedy. Why would anyone think differently, considering Minneapolis has been ruled for decades by Liberal mayors and a Liberal city council? Liberal Elitists like Gary are adamant about never letting facts get in the way of their political bias. Never.
Mr. Elite points out that the bridge collapse is an anomaly because Minnesota isn't Uzbekistan. Minnesota isn't Uzbekistan? Thanks for pointing that out Mr. Elite, for - as does Minneapolis Star Tribune Reader Rep Kate Parry in her Sunday column (see post below) pandering to the great unwashed - we're just not intelligent enough to figure these esoteric and arcane things out for ourselves. We must wait for Mr. Elite to explain such things because we're just rubes who don't understand such complexity.
Mr. Elite fails to mention the bridge passed inspections in both 2006 and 2005. Mr. Elite notes President George W. Bush - whom he refers to as The Current Occupant (I guess taxpayer money feeds Gary's ability in thinking he's witty) - flew into town to "view the wreckage and to express, in that intense and aimless way of his, his hopes for a better life for us." Yeah - it's too bad the President didn't tell us that he "feels our pain," that would have had a more healing effect on Liberals like Mr. Elite.
Mr. Elite tells us that he travels to the Mayo Clinic for his annual checkup. Nothing but the very best for Mr. Elite. No - we don't have any competent and qualified physicians in Minneapolis or St. Paul - not for Mr. Elite. Poor Mr. Elite questions the integrity of the bridges he must cross when he travels to Rochester.
Apparently no doctor in St. Paul or Minneapolis is good enough or worthy enough to grab hold of Mr. Elite's testes telling him to turn his head and cough. No Twin Cities doctor is worthy or qualified to stick their lubricated latex gloved finger into Mr. Elite's rancid, rank rectum.
Noting his precarious travel to the Mayo Clinic, Mr. Elite writes that:
"Rochester [Minnesota] is 88 miles away [from the Twin Cities]. Northwest Airlines offers seven flights daily for a round-trip fare of about 500 bucks, or slightly more than the fare to New York. You want to visit Rochester, pay your own freight. Don't expect Minnesota to take care of you."
Minnesota does take care of its own, despite what Liberals like Mr. Elite fool themselves into believing. Liberalism is a mentality of a deep denial of facts and Mr. Elite has this in spades. 500 bucks for a flight from the Twin Cities to Rochester - heck - that's pocket change for Mr. Elite. Folks like Mr. Elite are cheapskates. After they rake in their own personal wealth, so much of it at the expense of others, they still want to continue spending other people's money rather than their own. That's how they maintain their riches. That's why they won't give up their first class tickets on the Corporate Welfare Gravy Train.
Mr. Elite is a very wealthy American, one of those that Democrat presidential candidate John Edwards tells us has life too easy at the expense of the poor. Mr. Elite is one of those rich white folks who pretend to be a Regular Joe; he is anything but that. I don't see Mr. Elite doing anything for anybody other than himself which, of course, is exactly the mantra and lifestyle that comes with Exclusive Membership in The Liberal Elitist Club.
If you believe in an afterlife, great theologians tell us that one of the things we will be judged on is how we treated the least fortunate among us. I imagine that when Mr. Elite is asked what he did for those least fortunate, he will be dumbstruck silent.
©2007
Labels: gary keillor
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i cannot sign off on your comments as i am not up on the sourcing but this snippet i lifted:
"like the 35-year-old guy with the three-day growth of beard sitting at the next table picking at his quail and telling his girlfriend that he is thinking about calling up the guy who taught that songwriting course, remember? The one Mr. Thirty-Five took a few years ago? He is thinking he might send him a CD but first he has to get a couple hours of studio time from Sean so he can re-do a couple of those songs. This poor yoink is trying to be twenty-one but he feels more like fifty. Deep in his heart, he knows that 35 is too late to be launching a career singing songs about your broken heart. You've got to get started when you're young, when you hardly can imagine what a broken heart is like. No, bubba, your career is over and meanwhile what do you have? You've got this terrific girlfriend. You ought to earn some money and save it toward a house, not be spending $23 on a serving of quail. There are thousands of 35-year-olds in Syracuse and Utica and Buffalo who figured out a long time ago that they were not major songwriters and they are way ahead of you. And she knows this."
tells me that while he may tell the truth (and may not), he is mean. i like some of his bits i have heard, but this stuff is just plain mean.
why is it only ok for garrison to persue a dream?
"like the 35-year-old guy with the three-day growth of beard sitting at the next table picking at his quail and telling his girlfriend that he is thinking about calling up the guy who taught that songwriting course, remember? The one Mr. Thirty-Five took a few years ago? He is thinking he might send him a CD but first he has to get a couple hours of studio time from Sean so he can re-do a couple of those songs. This poor yoink is trying to be twenty-one but he feels more like fifty. Deep in his heart, he knows that 35 is too late to be launching a career singing songs about your broken heart. You've got to get started when you're young, when you hardly can imagine what a broken heart is like. No, bubba, your career is over and meanwhile what do you have? You've got this terrific girlfriend. You ought to earn some money and save it toward a house, not be spending $23 on a serving of quail. There are thousands of 35-year-olds in Syracuse and Utica and Buffalo who figured out a long time ago that they were not major songwriters and they are way ahead of you. And she knows this."
tells me that while he may tell the truth (and may not), he is mean. i like some of his bits i have heard, but this stuff is just plain mean.
why is it only ok for garrison to persue a dream?
"why is it only ok for garrison to persue a dream?"
Ummmm - because he's a Liberal who gets taxpayer funding for his shtick?
I never cared for PHC or found anything he wrote funny - and this is before I knew he was an uber-Liberal.
He's on the list - along with Mike Malloy - of "Deaths to Celebrate." I don't expect you to agree with that, only forgive the small part of me that harbors it.
I've also heard he is mean and nasty to subordinates. I have to imagine that's because he's an uber-Elitist.
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Ummmm - because he's a Liberal who gets taxpayer funding for his shtick?
I never cared for PHC or found anything he wrote funny - and this is before I knew he was an uber-Liberal.
He's on the list - along with Mike Malloy - of "Deaths to Celebrate." I don't expect you to agree with that, only forgive the small part of me that harbors it.
I've also heard he is mean and nasty to subordinates. I have to imagine that's because he's an uber-Elitist.
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