Sunday, December 17, 2006
Here Come The Fat Police
"Oh, if he hadn't been a three-pack-a-day smoker, he wouldn't have died so young."
"Oh, if he hadn't have been a waddling two-tons of shit, clogging up his arteries, he wouldn't have died so young."
- - -
Health and Wellness Specialists, writing in the British Medical Journal, are suggesting that labels in larger-sized clothing should carry a tag warning the buyer to lose weight, including a obesity helpline number. ("Hello, Obesity Helpline Operator? This is the Fat Tub of Shit Michael Moore...why are you doing this to me? Why are you harassing me?")
The study and its recommendations is an attempt to help individuals recognize their obesity problems and take corrective action.
Clothes made in larger sizes should carry a tag with an obesity helpline number, health specialists have suggested. Sweets and snacks should not be permitted near checkouts, new roads should not be built unless they include cycle lanes and food likely to make people fat should be taxed...
Fat-Assed, Twenty-Ton Lard Lad Propagandist Michael Moore took great umbrage with the Study. "No,no no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no! I don't want to be reminded of my grotesque and obscene obesity when I'm buying my XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-L sized shirts or my size 99 waist pants," said Moore.
"And to think that I would no longer have the opportunity, while standing in a check-out line, to buy boxes of Snickers, 3 Musketeers, M&M's, Almond Joy, Cadbury, Butterfingers, Mars Bars, Hersheys, Baby Ruths, Milky Ways, Mounds Bars, Salted Nut Rolls, Nut Goodies, Chicklets and other nourishment sources that my body requires! Why, the British Medical Journal is a blatant example of rank Socialism. I won't stand for it, damnit! I won't stand for government poking its nose into my personal life," wailed Moore, before consuming an entire herd of beef cattle ... raw.
Other well known corpulent celebrities weighed in with their opinions. The always expanding and rotund Rob "Meathead" Reiner called the British Medical Journal's study, "Wrong, just plain wrong. Just a minute - can I get a triple helping of cheese on top of that cheese, and a few hundred pounds of sausage on top of that pizza - now where was I? Oh, yeah, this study reeks of government meddling in personal lives, and that's wrong, so wrong. Just a minute - hey, I ordered thirty-seven large triple chocolate milkshakes, not thirty-six, what the fuck is wrong with you, can't you get a person's order right - now where was I? Oh, yeah, this study by the Brits proves that - just a minute, I told you I wanted twenty-seven rare prime ribs, not twenty six, what the hell's the matter with you, I need my nourishment. See, this study wants to intervene in my personal life, and government has no business in doing stuff like that! When I'm hungry I need to eat, damnit! I have blood sugar and glandular issues. I just can't be expected to start eating more healthy because some report says so," huffed Reiner.
accordance and compliance with Fair Use Section 107 U.S. Copyright Code.
All other images and content © 2005-2009 David Drake.
Not responsible for content contained at linked sites.
Policy on commenting:
- Anonymous comments have little chance of being published.
- Comments made on posts 60 days old or older have little chance of being published.
- Published comments do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog author.
- Discretion of publishing or rejecting submitted comments rests solely with the owner and creator of this blog.
- Comments that egregiously "plug" (i.e. advertise or promote) another site or blog will be rejected. This doesn't mean you cannot include a link to your story, blog or to another site, but don't go overboard.
- Profanity is not a disqualifying factor, but profane rants solely for purposes of profanity are unlikely to be published.
- The owner and creator of this blog is not liable or responsible for the opinions of those who comment.