Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Television Programs Aren't Loud Enough!
Are you at all like me and find most television programs just to quiet? There's not enough screaming, whistling, hoo-hoo-hoo chanting and feigned applause to feed the lack-of-noise-void in my life.
Therefore, and the following is copyrighted so if any TV or cable network steals my mindblowingly fantastic idea, I'll be pursuing you with a lawsuit for Big Dolla's:
There needs to be a one hour program, preferably aired every night, that consists of nothing but wild and loud screaming by its audience. The audience should whistle constantly and, in a throwback or homage to the Arsenio Hall audience, the audience should offer repeated hoo-hoo-hoo chants.
The audience should also applaud wildly, for no reason other than to make noise.
Add: Deep, baritone screams from the men, and high-pitched "I can't believe I'm seeing the Beatles"-like screams from the ladies.
The noise fest should never drop below 150 decibels.
Stay Tuned For The Screaming Show:
Fade In:
Announcer: "Welcome to The Screaming Show!"
Audio: Wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling, and hoo-hoo-hooing. Continues for 12 and one-half minutes.
Commercial Break
Back From Commercials:
Audio: Wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling, and hoo-hoo-hooing. Continues for 12 and one-half minutes.
Bottom of the Hour Commercial Breaks
Back From Commercials:
Audio: Wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling, and hoo-hoo-hooing. Continues for 12 and one-half minutes.
Commercial Break
Audio: Wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling, and hoo-hoo-hooing. Continues for 12 and one-half minutes.
Show ends, credits roll while wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling and hoo-hoo-hooing continues.
Announcer: "Join us again tomorrow night for The Screaming Show".
It's a great idea, isn't it?
And to think three studios turned down my screenplay about a kindly, dyslexic, septuagenarian grandmother who, during full moons, turns into a zombie-wolf with an appetite for blood, brains, beer and Liberals.
©2006
Therefore, and the following is copyrighted so if any TV or cable network steals my mindblowingly fantastic idea, I'll be pursuing you with a lawsuit for Big Dolla's:
There needs to be a one hour program, preferably aired every night, that consists of nothing but wild and loud screaming by its audience. The audience should whistle constantly and, in a throwback or homage to the Arsenio Hall audience, the audience should offer repeated hoo-hoo-hoo chants.
The audience should also applaud wildly, for no reason other than to make noise.
Add: Deep, baritone screams from the men, and high-pitched "I can't believe I'm seeing the Beatles"-like screams from the ladies.
The noise fest should never drop below 150 decibels.
Stay Tuned For The Screaming Show:
Fade In:
Announcer: "Welcome to The Screaming Show!"
Audio: Wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling, and hoo-hoo-hooing. Continues for 12 and one-half minutes.
Commercial Break
Back From Commercials:
Audio: Wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling, and hoo-hoo-hooing. Continues for 12 and one-half minutes.
Bottom of the Hour Commercial Breaks
Back From Commercials:
Audio: Wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling, and hoo-hoo-hooing. Continues for 12 and one-half minutes.
Commercial Break
Audio: Wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling, and hoo-hoo-hooing. Continues for 12 and one-half minutes.
Show ends, credits roll while wild, loud, insane screaming, applause, whistling and hoo-hoo-hooing continues.
Announcer: "Join us again tomorrow night for The Screaming Show".
It's a great idea, isn't it?
And to think three studios turned down my screenplay about a kindly, dyslexic, septuagenarian grandmother who, during full moons, turns into a zombie-wolf with an appetite for blood, brains, beer and Liberals.
©2006
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