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Friday, May 05, 2006

Mayo Extends Two-For-One Offer To Kennedy Family

Rochester, MN - Congressman Patrick Kennedy said today that he will enter yet another program for people with addictions, this time at the Mayo Clinic.

Mayo Clinic Administrator of Addiction, Dr. Jim McJim, offered the Kennedy family a generous 'two-for-one' deal. "We at Mayo realize that addiction is no laughing matter and is something to be taken very seriously. That is why I am offering the Kennedy family a one-time, special 'two-for-one' deal. We are making the offer that when Congressman Kennedy checks in to the Clinic, if he is joined by his father, Senator Ted Kennedy, we will offer them a 'two-for-one' deal on the cost for their stay and treatment at the clinic," said Dr. McJim.

McJim said the two-for-one deal is contingent upon both Congressman Kennedy and Senator Kennedy entering into the treatment program at the same time and that they must both successfully complete the full session of in-patient treatment in order to qualify for the offer.

"We are pleased to help Congressman Kennedy, and we also feel that it is time for his father to kick the habit of the hooch," said Dr. McJim, referring to Senator Kennedy's well publicized drinking binges. "We also feel that the Senator is familiar with the phrase 'two-for-one', so this should help get his attention," said Dr. McJim.

Senator Kennedy could not be reached for comment due to happy hour.

Patrick Kennedy asks his father, "What's in a Mai-Tai?"

NEW Patrick Kennedy Statement:

In a just-released statement, Patrick Kennedy has the following to add.

Press the > to listen to Congressman Kennedy:

All voices are impersonated. Or...are...they?



That is the most hilarious thing I've heard all week.
Thanks Chris, glad you liked it! A good way to end the work week, huh?
bad taste Mr. Drake, very bad taste
Awwwwww, Anon, have I offended a Kennedy groupie? Dat's so sad!

Kennedy, car, woman, drugs and/or liquor... it just writes itself!
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