David Drake: CLINTONOPOLY

Thursday, March 16, 2006

CLINTONOPOLY

GENERAL RULES OF THE GAME
1) ALL PLAYERS (EXCEPT IF YOU ACTUALLY ARE BILL OR HILLARY) BEGIN ON THE "GO" SQUARE
2) ROLL DICE TO DETERMINE WHICH PLAYER WILL MOVE FIRST. HIGHEST NUMBER WINS, UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY ARE BILL OR HILLARY, WHO MAY MOVE TO WHICHEVER SQUARE THEY DESIRE BECAUSE THEY ARE "ENTITLED" TO DO SO.
3) NUMBER ROLLED ON DICE DETERMINES TO WHICH SQUARE PLAYER MOVES BOARD PIECE.
4) ONE PLAYER SHOULD DESIGNATE HIM OR HER SELF AS THE BANKER. ALL OTHER PLAYERS MUST, FOR THE DURATION OF THE GAME, REFER TO THE BANKER AS "MR. SOROS". FAILURE TO DO SO ALLOWS MR. SOROS TO EXERCISE HIS OPTION OF FORECLOSING ON ALL PROPERTY OWNED BY PLAYER.
5) PLAYERS SHOULD NOT, AT ANY TIME DURING THE GAME, ACCEPT ANY OFFERS FROM TED KENNEDY FOR A CAR RIDE.
6) THE FT. MARCY PARK CARD CAN ONLY BE PLAYED BY ONE LUCKY HOLDER OF THE CARD. THE FT. MARCY PARK CARD ALLOWS THE CARD HOLDER TO INITIATE THE MURDER AND SUBSEQUENT COVER-UP OF ONE FELLOW HIGH-RANKING PLAYER, BANKER MR. SOROS EXCLUDED.
7) "BETTER GET SOME ICE ON THAT" CARDS ARE ALL POWERFUL. THESE CARDS CAN BE USED AT THE PLAYER'S DISCRETION. "BETTER PUT SOME ICE ON THAT" CARDS TRUMP ALL; THEY CAN HALT ANY IMPENDING ACTION OF "THAT'S NOT FAIR" CARDS EVEN THOUGH SOME "THAT'S NOT FAIR" CARDS STATE THEY CAN DO SO.
8) PLAYERS HOLDING "THAT'S NOT FAIR" CARDS CAN PLAY THESE CARDS AT THEIR CHOOSING AND TIMING. SOME "THAT'S NOT FAIR" CARD OPTIONS ARE: 'I WANT YET ANOTHER RECOUNT', 'PAY ME THE INTERNET INVENTOR TAX', AND 'DISTANCE ME FROM THE CLINTONS'.
9) TRY, WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT, TO NEVER LAND ON THE "HELL" PROPERTIES, FOR IF YOU DO, HILLARY THEN OWNS YOUR SOUL. "BETTER PUT SOME ICE ON THAT" CARDS ARE POWERLESS AGAINST THIS, EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY CLAIM OTHERWISE.

HOT PROPERTIES
1) PLAYERS LANDING ON "SOROS BLVD" MUST GIVE ALL CASH AND PROPERTY TO PLAYER POSING AS BANKER GEORGE SOROS.
2) "SCARY ST" OWNED BY HELEN THOMAS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. DEMONS MAY RISE FROM HELL FOR PLAYER(S) LANDING ON THIS PROPERTY. (david drake / mrssatan board games inc. is not responsible, and assumes no liability, for appearance of demons from hell or any tangible or intangible experiences, real or imagined.)
3) BEWARE THE NANCY PELOSI "WACKO" SQUARE. STARING DIRECTLY INTO HER EYES MAY CAUSE HORRIBLE AND INCURABLE DISEASES TO INFECT PLAYER(S).
4) LAND ON "BIG TOBACCO"? TAKE A 75% OF PROPERTY OWNER'S CASH AND ASSETS; START UP ANTI-TOBACCO LOBBY FUNDED BY LEGALIZED EXTORTION OF DIRTY 'BIG TOBACCO' MONEY.
5) "PAUL WELLSTONE, FUNERAL OR RALLY" PROPERTY: IS IT A FUNERAL? IS IT RALLY? ONLY PLAYER HOLDING THE SECRET "IT'S NOT FAIR" CARD KNOWS FOR SURE! TAKE $100,000 FROM OWNER OF "YEEHAW ST".
6) PLAYER LANDING ON THE PROPERTY OF "AIR AMERICA DEBT DRIVE", MUST RELINQUISH ALL MONEY AND ASSETS OWNED. IT BECOMES THE PROPERTY OF THE AIR AMERICA DEBT DRIVE. IF YOU ARE A PROPERTY OWNER ON AIR AMERICA DEBT DRIVE, YOU MUST INVEST THE RECEIVED MONEY AND ASSETS INTO A FAILING LIBERAL RADIO NETWORK.
7) LANDING ON THE "ADVANCE TO (PICTURE OF) BUDDHIST TEMPLE" SQUARE PERMITS PLAYER TO ADVANCE WITHOUT DELAY TO THE CORNER BUDDHIST TEMPLE SQUARE. FUNDRAISING, MASKED AS "COMMUNITY OUTREACH" IS ENCOURAGED.
8) ALL PLAYERS, EXCEPT BANKER GEORGE SOROS, LANDING ON THE "GO TO JAIL"-JAMES CARVILLE HEAD- SQUARE MUST GO TO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. ONLY A "BETTER PUT SOME ICE ON THAT"-'GET OUT OF JAIL FREE'- CARD ALLOWS PLAYER TO AVOID JAIL TIME. FOR THOSE WHO DO GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL, YOU CONSENT TO BE JIM MCDOUGALS' BEEEE-AAATCH.
9) FOR PLAYERS LANDING ON "LARD LANE"; ITS OWNER, MR. MOORE, HAS THE RIGHT TO EAT YOU.
10) GAME ENDS IF ALL PLAYERS HAVE EACH AT LEAST ONCE LANDED ON "HELL" PROPERTIES, "HUCKSTER ST.", "LIBERAL LANE" OR WHEN BANKER GEORGE SOROS OWNS ALL PROPERTIES AND ASSETS OF OTHER PLAYERS.

FULL SIZE CLICK HERE

©2006
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Linking Here:
Charming, Just Charming
Lucky Dawg News

// posted by David Drake @ 1:01 PM

Comments:

I'd like to order one for Christmas, please! :-)

# posted by

Jonathan : 4:38 PM, March 16, 2006

By far, your best yet!

"Elenor Clift says: But, but, what about free parking?!"

# posted by

Anonymous : 5:23 PM, March 16, 2006

THE CLINTONOPOLY BOARD GAME can now be yours, for the low price of three easy credit card payments, each for the increibly low price of just $19.99. That's right, just three credit card payments of $19.99.

But wait, there's more....order before midnight today receive a life-size Helen Thomas blow-up doll FREE! That's right....FREE!!!

Thanks for the kind words...it was fun (and sometimes a wee bit frustrating) putting it together.

# posted by

David Drake : 5:30 PM, March 17, 2006

Eleanor... nothing is ever "Free".

# posted by

David Drake : 5:31 PM, March 17, 2006

I love the Monopoly spoof!!!

Thanks for the link on your roll.

I'll return the favor on Lucky Dawg this weekend.

Take care,
Chris

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:02 PM, March 17, 2006

I'm one of those so called Libs, and I LMAO at this.

# posted by

Anonymous : 4:58 PM, March 18, 2006

Thanks Chris at Lucky Dawg News for your comments!

And thanks for the link back to my blog, much appreciated, indeed!

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To Liberal: you have to be a closet conservative or at least a closet "indie". Liberals don't Laugh Their Asses Off, because they don't have a sense of humor. Please convert to a different political affiliation.

# posted by

David Drake : 5:11 PM, March 18, 2006

a true classic!

# posted by

Anonymous : 8:43 PM, May 12, 2008

Dhurowitz - thanks for the positive feedback. Glad you enjoyed it.

# posted by

David Drake : 4:36 PM, May 14, 2008

David Drake

Thursday, March 16, 2006

CLINTONOPOLY

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