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Friday, January 27, 2006

Republicans To The Rescue: No More Bongs!

Minnesota State Senator, Republican Michael Jungbauer, a first termer, is upset. He's going after bongs and their glass and ceramic pipe cousins. Fellow State Senator Amy Koch, also a Republican, is joining this front-page-top-of-the-fold issue of national importance. Why, all other issues facing the state of Minnesota simply pale when compared to sale of water pipes. Jobs? Taxes? Immigration? Damn them to hell, we're talking WATER BONGS people! Those evil, vile, WATER BONGS that sneak out from their wood stained display cases at night and ruthlessly kill and maim without reservation; those bongs that hang out on streets at night, mixing only with their gangland peeps.


The Bong Triplets: Huey, Dewey, and Ba-Ba Whoo-Hooey!

Jungbauer said he was "inspired to push for a new law after discovering that his local video rental store offered pot pipes for sale." He was "inspired...." -- cue Mighty Mouse theme song for Mr. Jungbauer: "Here I Come To Save The Day, Senator Jungbauer is on the way-With a Law We've Needed for so Long, So That No one Can Ever Buy a Water Bong!"

Jungbauer's proposal would make the Minnesota law equivalent to federal code when it comes to selling this type of merchandise. Applying his standard then, bars, taverns, and nightclubs should be declared illegal and closed, for they promote the use of alcohol --- an insidious intoxicant!

But wait Dave, booze is legal, pot is not. Gee, I guess I overlooked that in my Stone Cold Groove, thanks so much for reminding me.

This is actually a sad state of affairs. Anyone can research the information available out there, from government and independent studies, and will reach the same conclusion. More people are killed, injured, hurt, fights instigated, relationships wrecked, lives ruined from liquor than marijuana.

Jungbauer is putting the cart before the horse in some respects. I know a couple of people from Egypt. They own huge and beautifully ornate water pipes. Do you know what they smoke in those water pipes? Tobacco, black tar-like chunks of tobacco. (And no, it's not hash, I've sampled it. It's tobacco).

So is Jungbauer assuming that the merchandise he viewed at his local video store will be used to smoke illegal drugs? Are we into predicting a criminal activity before it is committed? Jungbauer...Koch, are you sure you're a member of the republican party? Step off to the Left...a little more...a little more now...a little more. There, now you're in the right political camp, the camp that enjoys enacting more legislation when current law already exists to deal with a problem.

Okay, we know why people buy these pipes...at least for the most part. But is it, or should it, be a crime to sell a product before it is used for something that is not legal? That kind of logic could be applied to knives, lye, bleach, piano wire, rope, fertilizer (the Murrah Building), warfarin and a litany of other products.

Jungbauer's position on this is simply another "feel good, warm fuzzy law" that won't really do much to curb illegal drug use. Do you really think someone won't smoke a bowl of weed due to the fact that they can no longer buy a pipe or a bong at a head shop or their local video store in Minnesota? Maybe Jungbauer and Koch could introduce additional legislation to ban corn cob pipes and rolling papers.

Jungbauer says he is not "interested in creating a new class of criminals." Well, of course you are. As soon as anyone says anything remotely like that, they are projecting what they want to do by saying they don't want to do it.

You can ban these products, go ahead. The result will be that those who want to buy these products will buy them elsewhere. They will cross the border into Wisconsin, Iowa, or the Dakota's and purchase them there.

After Minnesota added a .75 cents Fee/Tax/Surcharge on each pack of cigarettes last year, the result was that sales of cigarettes in Minnesota fell. Purchase of cigarettes in our neighboring states increased drastically, especially in cities and towns across the border in the neighboring states.

Before Minnesota law was changed to let bars serve alcohol until 2AM, at 1AM - the prior Minnesota "Last Call" - people in bars on border cities such as Duluth and St. Paul, would drive to Wisconsin for one more hour of drinking because Wisconsin bars served booze until 2AM.

We read and hear almost daily of college students under the legal drinking age of 21, dying from acute alcohol intoxication. Apparently the laws that say one cannot drink until they are 21 years of age are not effective. We read and hear almost daily of binge drinking deaths of those under 21. Again, apparently the legal drinking age isn't much of a deterring factor in preventing these losses of life.

Prohibition didn't work for booze. Prohibition doesn't work for a lot of things. Most of the time prohibition doesn't work as it is intended at all. Can we all say "Campaign Finance Reform" together?

In Minnesota, Sudafed and its generic siblings containing ephedrine and pseudo-ephedrine is now locked behind counters in drug and retail stores due to a "feel good, warm fuzzy law" erroneously enacted with the mistaken intent that it will reduce, prevent, stop or halt the manufacturing of meth. Huh, guess what? Meth is still being manufactured, made, used and abused. Why, how can this be?

Minnesota lowered the Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) level used in declaring someone driving while intoxicated from .10 to .08. Guess what? People are still being arrested for driving while intoxicated. Why, how can this be?

The legal drinking age is 21 years of age, yet those under 21 are still getting drunk. Why, how can this be?

One method to increase revenue for any governmental entity is to make more laws that lasso more of the population creating a new class of criminals or offenders who previously were not in any violation of any law. This then becomes a not so slippery slope to tyranny.

Are Job and other rolling papers next? It may depend on what substance you're putting into those papers. God forbid it's tobacco!

Take my Bong? From my cold, dead hands!
©2006
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Source for Jungbauer/Koch: City Pages Blotter

Comments:
Being anti-bong is racist. Minnesota looks like the hull of a slave ship! I'm ashamed to be from that racist hive of anti-glasspipes.
 
I know, just like all the television and radio adverts tell me:

"A Bong Is a Terrible Thing To Waste"
 
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