Saturday, May 28, 2005
RAWNA
Drilling in the controversial Alaskan Wildlife refuge, RAWNA, filled to the brim with oil, is set to begin August 1, 2005. RAWNA has a large reservoir of oil and the ability to supply the United States with barrels of oil for many, many years.
Wildlife experts of this region have concluded, after exhaustive study, that it's not only the right thing to do for the oil, but the area wildlife is asking for it as well.
John P. Caribou, who has lived in RAWNA all of his life said, "The only way we can think of to get rid of the pesky and prolific mosquito's is to drill for oil, and hopefully, a lot of it will spill onto the land and into the coastal waters."
Other caribou agree with John. His cousin, Martha Q. Caribou spoke of the hardships she has to endure with the pristine environment. "You try raising a herd who always want to go out and play, but then insist on coming back in due to the enormous mosquito population. It's in and out, and in and out, all day long. I can't keep my home clean that way."
Quentin "Endangered Species" Owl agrees. "I look down my tree and say to myself, good gosh, this environment sucks. Who wants to look at this spotless, undeveloped hell hole all night and day. We need a good oil spill to not only improve the appearance, but also we recognize that our country needs the oil. It's a 'win-win' situation all the way around."
Indeed, researchers were virtually unable to find any species that were happy with RAWNA in its current status. The only exception were the mosquito's. One mosquito, speaking only on the condition of anonymity, and speaking for all fellow mosquito's said, "We don't know what we'll do or how we'll survive when the oil starts to flow. Most of us are planning to migrate to Canada well before August 1."
The Burtihallon Corporation was awarded the drilling contract and has already begun making in roads into RAWNA. Shouts of "Viva Le Petrol" were raucously heard from the local wildlife inhabitants upon hearing this news.
© 2005
Wildlife experts of this region have concluded, after exhaustive study, that it's not only the right thing to do for the oil, but the area wildlife is asking for it as well.
John P. Caribou, who has lived in RAWNA all of his life said, "The only way we can think of to get rid of the pesky and prolific mosquito's is to drill for oil, and hopefully, a lot of it will spill onto the land and into the coastal waters."
Other caribou agree with John. His cousin, Martha Q. Caribou spoke of the hardships she has to endure with the pristine environment. "You try raising a herd who always want to go out and play, but then insist on coming back in due to the enormous mosquito population. It's in and out, and in and out, all day long. I can't keep my home clean that way."
Quentin "Endangered Species" Owl agrees. "I look down my tree and say to myself, good gosh, this environment sucks. Who wants to look at this spotless, undeveloped hell hole all night and day. We need a good oil spill to not only improve the appearance, but also we recognize that our country needs the oil. It's a 'win-win' situation all the way around."
Indeed, researchers were virtually unable to find any species that were happy with RAWNA in its current status. The only exception were the mosquito's. One mosquito, speaking only on the condition of anonymity, and speaking for all fellow mosquito's said, "We don't know what we'll do or how we'll survive when the oil starts to flow. Most of us are planning to migrate to Canada well before August 1."
The Burtihallon Corporation was awarded the drilling contract and has already begun making in roads into RAWNA. Shouts of "Viva Le Petrol" were raucously heard from the local wildlife inhabitants upon hearing this news.
© 2005
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