Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Global Mildness
Geneva, Switzerland - Alarming new evidence that both global warming and global cooling is pure fallacy was published today in the New England Journal of Science. It states that the earth is in a state of harmonious homeostasis. Scientist and Climatologist Jim McJim, of the Arcane Planetary Climatology Department in Geneva, released his findings late yesterday.
"Irrefutable evidence now shows that the earth is in a perfectly balanced state, with regard to warmth and cooling," said McJim. Previous studies had shown that a large and knowledgeable group of scientists were under the belief that the earth was on a warming trend. Some twenty years ago, the belief among those same scientists was that the earth would be heading into an ice age after the year 2000.
"Previous studies that the earth is warming are pure crockery," stated McJim. "My studies and evidence point to the fact that the earth is very, very happy with its current temperature. I took a large, sufficiently lubricated mercury thermometer, and shoved it deep -- deep into the inner hole of our planet. The results were astounding," continued McJim. McJim's well researched study does appear to be irrefutable.
"I guess it goes to show you that we were overlooking a critical piece of the puzzle. And that would be the large, well lubricated, mercury thermometer," said Professor Guy Gadwah, of the Kyoto Climatology Institute in Japan. "Honestly, that's one research tool that didn't occur to me, or other scientists who were under the mistaken belief that the earth was warming," concluded Gadwah.
Dr. Leather Hockleer, of the Interplanetary Clinic for Climatology concurs with McJim. "I'm not sure anyone else involved in this type of research would have gone to the lengths that McJim did," she said. "I'm inclined to believe his study is solid, and that it's authentic," Hocklear added.
Human reaction to this study would appear to support McJim's findings. "People are rarely perspiring," says McJim, "and on the reverse side, no one is chilly." Several people were interviewed around the globe and all respondents noted that they are using their air conditioning on a far less frequent basis. The onslaught sales of lawn chairs also bear witness to the new findings.
McJim, seated comfortably outside, on a cushioned chaise lounge, sipping a tall drink with an umbrella in it, gloatingly added, "this planet is becoming far more temperate and enjoyable than we could ever imagine. We're not freezing, and we're not burning up. It's sort of like Goldilocks and the porridge. The temperature of the earth is just right."
McJim, taking a sip from his drink said, "I'm now going to take a nice, long nap in the outdoors."
Concept by, and Hat Tip to, S.T. Miller
© 2005
[All of the above is true, except for those parts which are not.]
"Irrefutable evidence now shows that the earth is in a perfectly balanced state, with regard to warmth and cooling," said McJim. Previous studies had shown that a large and knowledgeable group of scientists were under the belief that the earth was on a warming trend. Some twenty years ago, the belief among those same scientists was that the earth would be heading into an ice age after the year 2000.
"Previous studies that the earth is warming are pure crockery," stated McJim. "My studies and evidence point to the fact that the earth is very, very happy with its current temperature. I took a large, sufficiently lubricated mercury thermometer, and shoved it deep -- deep into the inner hole of our planet. The results were astounding," continued McJim. McJim's well researched study does appear to be irrefutable.
"I guess it goes to show you that we were overlooking a critical piece of the puzzle. And that would be the large, well lubricated, mercury thermometer," said Professor Guy Gadwah, of the Kyoto Climatology Institute in Japan. "Honestly, that's one research tool that didn't occur to me, or other scientists who were under the mistaken belief that the earth was warming," concluded Gadwah.
Dr. Leather Hockleer, of the Interplanetary Clinic for Climatology concurs with McJim. "I'm not sure anyone else involved in this type of research would have gone to the lengths that McJim did," she said. "I'm inclined to believe his study is solid, and that it's authentic," Hocklear added.
Human reaction to this study would appear to support McJim's findings. "People are rarely perspiring," says McJim, "and on the reverse side, no one is chilly." Several people were interviewed around the globe and all respondents noted that they are using their air conditioning on a far less frequent basis. The onslaught sales of lawn chairs also bear witness to the new findings.
McJim, seated comfortably outside, on a cushioned chaise lounge, sipping a tall drink with an umbrella in it, gloatingly added, "this planet is becoming far more temperate and enjoyable than we could ever imagine. We're not freezing, and we're not burning up. It's sort of like Goldilocks and the porridge. The temperature of the earth is just right."
McJim, taking a sip from his drink said, "I'm now going to take a nice, long nap in the outdoors."
Concept by, and Hat Tip to, S.T. Miller
© 2005
[All of the above is true, except for those parts which are not.]
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