Tuesday, October 02, 2007
China Recalls Democrat Presidential Candidates For Unsafe Lead Content
Mung Ze Dung, VP of Marketing for the Matell Candidate Manufacturing Company of Beijing apologized for the release of the above candidates."We not know they furr of rhead. We solly, very solly. Big mistake on our part," he said.
Forensic metallurgist toxicologist Jim McJim, of the Candidate Testing Research Center in Maryland, is suspicious of the delay in announcing the candidates may be poisonous. "I have my doubts that Matell just found this out now," he said. "The timing of this is very dubious and questionable. Why now?"
Left to right: Clinton, Biden, Richardson, Edwards, Obama, Kucinich, Gravel, Dodd
Why now, indeed?
Rumors of these candidates containing unsafe amounts of lead goes back several years, if not decades. Hair dye contains lead acetate and could easily explain why Clinton and Edwards are toxic candidates. Pinpointing the exact cause of how Biden, Dodd, Obama, Gravel and Richardson became contaminated remains to be discovered. "We think they chew on too many pencils before we ship them to America," said Ze Dung. When asked to explain Kucinich's excessive lead content, Ze Dung laughed and replied, "oh, he from outer space."
"We worka vera hard to find out why. Prease accept China aporogies," said Ze Dung. "We send over free fruit basket, dog and cat food, chirdrens toys and toothpaste to show we mean no harm or bad feerings."
McJim remains skeptical. "China is dumping every kind of tainted product on the American market. I'd be very suspicious about their free fruit baskets, pet food, toys and toothpaste. Something is awry here, I just can't put my finger on it."
The Food and Drug Administration gave no indication how long the candidates will remain in quarantine. Republican National Committee Chairman Mike Duncan released a statement saying "The RNC is pleased that all Republican presidential candidate have tested clean for lead content and free from any other contamination. We wish our Democrat colleagues well, but perhaps in the best interests of our country, they should remain quarantined at least until after the November 2008 election, just to be on the safe side."
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