Friday, July 06, 2007
Bush Continues Improving Gitmo
Under the continuing efforts to Improve Conditions at Guantanamo Bay, the US Naval Base in Cuba, also known as Gitmo", the following eight changes took effect, appropriately enough, on July 4, 2007: Eight Things The U.S. Will Be Doing At Gitmo To Make Life More Comfortable For Terrorist Detainees and Enemy Combatants:
- Impressive guest list of motivational speakers including Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Osama Obama, Nanny Pelosi, David Letterman, Al Franken, Joe Biden and many others.
- 21- course buffet breakfast extended an extra two hours to accommodate those who want to sleep in.
- Detainees and terrorist suspects no longer required to put on weekly theatrical performance of "Cats" solely for the Soldiers' amusement.
- Each detainee upgraded to brand new Sleep Number bed instead of currently used 2007 floor models.
- Toiletry, bath and personal grooming items no longer will include Sam's Club Brand and Suave. All will be replaced by the Paul Mitchell line of products.
- All suspects will have ample opportunity and time to "touch those things".
- Expensive and extensive Fireworks Display every evening accompanied by approved Islamic Music performed by a 327-person professional orchestra.
- A permanent discontinue of the Torture method forcing detainees, at gunpoint, to play continuous and unending games of "Candyland", "Chutes And Ladders" and "Cootie".
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